新年快乐.. Happy Chinese New Year..

虽然想了很久，
最后还是发了信息给妳。
不知道妳会不会回复，
但是只要祝福了就好了。
希望马年妳会开开心心，
那我就只会开心，
在外婆家赌博，
假装我是开心的，
其实我是想妳的。
新年快乐，
恭喜发财，
红包拿来=）
Although wonder so much,
at last still send you wishing,
don't know will you reply,
but wish you then ok le mah..
Hope horse year you will be happy very,
i'm enought for that,
gambling at grandmom there,
but i'm pretend i'm happy,
actually i'm miss you de..
Happy Chinese New Year,
Gong Xi Fa Cai,
Angpau give lai =)

Midnight 00:30,
Page 74,
by Yht..

妳好吗? How are you?

年30晚了，
不知道妳家有吃饭吗？
回家了吗？
明天就是红包日，
每年妳都跟我讨，
虽然每次都逗妳，
可是如果妳要，
我都会给妳的吧。
可是妳都不会要吧，
妳知道妳的人咯，
要我逼妳才会收吧=）
夜了，
妳睡了吗？
回家了吗？
过年了，
希望妳今年过得开开心心=）
Today is last day lorh,
don't know you home got dinner or not leh,
go home already?
Tomorrow is angpau day lo,
every years you pun wan't me give,
Althought i'm said will give,
you pun won't wan't it,
even if i'm wan't to give..
But you always no wan't it,
you know what people you are de lo,
need me force very hard baru can=)
Midnight leh,
you slept?
You home?
Chinese New Year leh,
hope you can have a happy life of this year..

Midnight 00:32,
Page 73,
by Yht..

人性.. Humanity..

今年可能也是多事之秋，
当我以为今年会好转时，
突然发生那么多事让自己措手不及。
姐夫和他股东闹翻了，
因为没注册成为有限公司，
所以没办法做什么。
姐姐刚生了小妹妹，
却发生这种事，
看来我真的不能再任性了。
如果我还逃避的话，
将来我就没资格说爱这个家。
人竟然会变成那样，
说拆股就拆股，
朋友不是在困难时互相帮助吗？
为什么会那样，
人性不该善良吗？
This year maybe is trouble year,
when thought there is everything will be fine,
but will happening so much out of control..
Bro in law get break up with his company partner,
due on din't register to Sdn. Bhd.,
there is nothing can argue..
Happen this big,
when my sister is born the second baby,
i'm already can't hidding anymore..
If i'm keep run from responsibility,
i'm not qualify to say i'm love my family..
How can human can did this,
say break then break,
friend not should be help each other when in trouble?
Why become like that,
humanity not be kind-hearted?

Sigh, sorry to tell you this, since i'm need handle company bad situation, now i'm heard that news and i'm worry about my sister.. I'm need some fresh air.. Sorry to complain again to you.. Good nited and sweet dream, dumb2..

Midnight 00:10,
Page 72,
by Yht..

错事.. Mistake..

当一个人做错了，
往往会想说如果，
我是一个人，
所以我常常这样想，
但是我明白到，
一直想如果，
是不能改变什么。
我想过当天如果我不冤枉妳，
我们现在可能就有说有笑。
但是发生了就发生了，
如果改变不了当初，
就创造不一样的结局吧。
把那件事当成一种经历，
下次别再犯就好啦。
就来接近过年了，
妳回家时小心点，
知道吗？
祝妳有个快乐的旅途。
晚安了笨蛋 =)
When someone made a mistake,
they always will said what if,
i'm a human fresh,
so do i'm always think like that,
until i'm understand,
keep think what if,
is can't change anything..
I'm think before about what if that day din't fitnah you,
maybe we are can chit chat like last time..
Buthappening is the fact,
if can't change the result,
then should create another ending..
Take it as a serious experience,
don't screw up next time mah ok lorh..
CNY is nearly,
becarefull when you home,
okay?
Wish you have a safety and happy home journey..
Good nited yea dumb2 =)

Midnight 01:29,
Page 71,
by Yht..

妳和我.. You and I..

我经常想说，
妳和我的关系，
是不是人常说的，
深于友情，
却不是爱情的那种关系。
到底要怎样，
才能放下对妳的着迷？
快要过年了，
想告诉妳的是，
每年我都期待妳的祝福语。
对不起我还在思念妳。
I'm always think about it,
the kaitan between you and i,
is it like what people said,
deep then friendship,
but no love line..
What suppose to do,
to forgot the feeling fall on you?
Almost Chinese New Year,
wan't to tell you is,
every years i'm was waiting your wishing..
I'm sorry still miss you..

I'm know you can't wish because of grandpa, just remember that what your grandpa left to the world is, you memories and care.. Happy Chinese New Year and angpau lai =)

Night 23:52,
Page 70,
by Yht..

怎么啦？ What wrong with me?

很奇怪，
当以为自己不想妳时，
就会某一日突然想起，
感觉心里有些事，
却又不知道什么事。
工作期间，
内心却思念着妳，
真的想知道妳是否会这样。
我到底怎么了？
一直沉迷在虚幻里，
现实妳已经表明了，
他是妳的最爱，
我不可以也不能介入，
可是，
可是我就是放不下。
嗨。
Weird,
when i'm though not miss you,
that feel will come suddenly,
feel something is happen,
but there is don't know what going on..
Working, 
but there heart is miss you,
wish to know will you have this or not..
What happen to me?
Keep living in illusion,
in reality you already make clear,
he is the right one,
i'm can't and unavailable to destroy it..
But,
but i'm can't just put it down..
Sigh..

Unknown time,
Page 69,
by Yht..

夜深人静.. Silence of Midnight..

以为能一觉到天亮，
最后还是半夜惊醒。
很多时候，
总把烦恼扛上身。
醒来后却无法睡得着，
心中无数的感慨，
好想找个人申诉，
却发现没有能倾诉的人。
也是这个时候，
多么想告诉妳，
我很想念妳。
妳睡得好吗？
我可否出现在妳梦中？
我…
除了想妳，
就只能想妳。
晚安了，
笨蛋。
Though can sleep until morning,
but still woke up in midnight..
Lot of time,
i'm always carry up the trouble to self..
Can't sleep after woke up,
feeling very complicated,
try to find someone to chat,
but notice there is actually no one around there..
Same timing,
hope to tell you,
how much i'm miss you right now..
Do you sleep well?
Did i'm appear in your dream before?
I'm
except miss you,
there is nothing much i'm can do..
Good nited,
dumb2..

Midnight 02:29,
Page 68,
by Yht..

Sigh.. Just a dream..

I know i know, should not start writing again.. I'm terrible, how could dream that, i'm dream you again, dream that finally i'm can hold your hand, intro you to all my friend, to all my family..

What i'm dreaming just is dream, i'm know never will happen in reality.. Sigh, why i'm can't just step out of the dream.. 

Only can keep tell self it's just a dream.. That is never gonna happen even if i'm keep dreaming.. Luckily this is happiness dream not you crying dream again.. I'm sorry to miss you again.. Good morning and hope you have a great day, dumb2..

阻止.. Stopping..

写与不写，
其实挣扎了几天，
很想写时，
拼命的压抑自己。
没想到的是，
我越压抑，
却越容易失落。
我知道妳看过那份给妳爷爷的信，
也知道妳知道其实是写给妳看，
信里我答应不再说离开，
所以这几天我真的沉思不已，
因为我答应不丢下妳，
而丢下妳我才能忘记对妳的感觉，
真的非常矛盾。
如果妳问我说，
我要怎样？
我还是会回答妳，
我不想丢下妳，
虽然我明白会带给妳困扰。
嗨，
对不起嗯笨蛋。
妳就原谅我那么自私的，
伤害着妳的混蛋。
Continue or stop,
fight in my heart for few days,
feel to continue writing,
but still keep stop self to start the pen..
What i'm din't expert that is,
more harder i'm stoping my self to write,
more down i'm will feel..
I'm know you read that letter i'm write to your grandpa,
also know that you actually knew i'm write to you,
in the letter i'm promise never leave again,
so i'm step confused on my mind,
because of i'm promise never leave you anymore,
but if i'm wan't forgot that feel i'm has to,
really very contradiction..
If you're asking me,
what i'm wan't to do?
I'm still same to answer you,
i'm don't wan't leave you behind anymore,
even if i'm understand that is a disturb to you..
Sigh,
i'm sorry dumb2..
Hope you will understanding and forgive,
this idiot brainless keep hurting you punye rascal..

Midnight 00:00,
Page 67,
by Yht..

一种感觉.. A Feel..

天朗气清，
新的星期新的开始，
昨晚睡得很好，
没有梦见妳，
没有特别思念妳，
所以睡眠很好。
当打开眼睛那刻，
已经注定今天是失败。
因为打开眼睛后，
一种莫名的感觉侵入我的脑中，
我无法形容那感觉，
就像在我打开眼那刻，
妳也在打开眼睛。
很可笑吧，
我想我可能得了妄想症。
“遇见妳是我的命运，”
“做朋友是我的选择，”
“爱上妳却不由得我控制。”
昨天看到这句话，
感觉命运还是弄人。
真的想过不写了，
再写下去只会导致妳更受伤，
爱妳就应该停止伤害妳，
是否妳也觉得我该停呢？
男人比女人理性，
而女人比男人感性，
如果这是真的，
为何我们角色对调了呢？
如果男人必须是理性的，
那我就是不幸的那个，
我是进入了感性那群，
所以才会有那么多无谓的妄想？
真的搞不清楚自己，
更别说去寻找自己的爱。
Good weather,
new week new begin,
sleep tight,
din't dream you,
din't miss you very,
so the sleep is very well..
But when i'm open my eye,
there already told me that just a lie..
After i'm opened my eye from sleep,
an unknown feeling step into my mind,
i'm can't explain that feeling,
just like you opened your eye,
and in the same time so do i opened my one..
Funny horh,
maybe i'm get paranoia jor..
"Meet you is my fate,"
"be you friend is my choice,"
"but fall on you beyond my control.."
Read this last night,
felt fate still joking with me..
Really think to stop writing,
keep writing just will continue to hurt you,
if i'm really love you should stop hurting you,
do you feel that i'm should stop too?
Male are rationality than female,
female are emotion than male,
if there is real,
did we exchange our character?
If male must be the group of rationality,
then i'm should is the unlucky one,
because i'm join wrong to emotion one,
that the reason i'm think so much like paranoia?
How to find my love,
if i'm don't even know what i'm need..

Morning 10:04,
Page 66,
by Yht..

Holiday..

Came home too late, can't wake up today.. Sigh, i'm really hate alone when holiday.. Tomorrow is holiday again, i'm will gonna feel mad again.. Sigh, why hah.. Tried to replace you with another girl, but tapi actually it's hurting people too..

Sigh, what i'm trying to do, really is an asshole lai geh.. I'm wan't to change my life, how~? I'm feel very lost, there macam no way out gam.. 

Arh, upset sei le upset sei le, who can pei me king gai >< I'm just need someone to chit chat only, why tak de people like to talk with me... Sigh, no one date, no one like, now even talking pun no one will... Fool...

疯狂.. Crazy..

妳不会相信我在哪，
我自己也很惊讶，
为了喘口气而驾车上云顶，
嗯～
感觉很轻松。
You will not gonna believe where i am,
I'm also feel shock,
i'm really drive to Genting Highland just for fresh air.. 
Erm.. 
Feel relax..

很久都没那么放松。
其实不应该想妳，
但是却莫名想起妳。
嗨～
妳过得好吗？
我很抱歉写了一些不好的，
毁掉妳的假日与好心情。
It's long time din't feel so free.. 
I'm should not miss you right now,
but i'm did~
sigh,
how do you do?
I'm sorry wrote so much bad thing,
to spoil your holiday and your mood..

感觉放松与自由，
在星巴克喝着可可咖啡，
准备着归途，
嗯，
晚安和祝好梦。
对不起我正在想妳 =')
Relax and freedom,
drinking cocoa cappucino at starbuck,
ready to home..
Erm,
good nited and sweet dream..
Sorry i'm miss you right now.. =')

I'm edit it and i'm home with safety, sigh.. This is a good relax time but too less time to stay there, maybe will going alone next time.. To free my high pressure, beside that, i'm hope to find the new way to put it down too, so far i'm still failed..

Midnight 03:29, (edited Midnight 05:59)
Page 65,
by Yht..

Fresh air..

The stone stuck inside my heart it's become extreme heavy.. I'm need some fresh air.. Later will drive to Genting, hope there will find my new way.. 

Actually if i'm she dak put down your care, i can be happy, just because i'm can't she dak your care.. You can did it, don't read my blog anymore.. When started, i'm will blame you, i'm will said you're liar, i'm will  blame you said you care but now you din't.. I'm will let my self hate you, and then i'm will potong all our contact, until you can't find me..

All of this i'm planned, just i'm really tak she dak let it go, what if future you unhappy and no more sand bag.. If there someone must suffer, then you should go, fall on you is my personal hal, that is no wrong you gone, i'm will slowy accept the truth, and then will really put down.. If someone must suffer, please let me take it, because i'm push you on this bad, i'm the one must handle it..

If you has made your decision, i'm will know.. And i'm hope this is a Good Bye from your best friend ever.. Your future will happinese because your general will take care of you.. Good Bye my friend.. =') You must do it, you know it..

the Change..

I'm know, no matter how much i'm miss you just is another diaturb to you.. I'm felt very lost between let go or continue wait like a fool.. 

What diffence of care as a friend and care as a lover? What you did is care as a friend but for me is care as difference feel.. Sigh, i'm need to relax really, i'm feel very down and can't take up my energy to complete my job..

I'm idiot betul, i'm already know you're very serious on the relationship right now, why i'm wan't keep kacau you.. People will lost because they can't made the decision.. Three month, i'm still can't made any decision on this trouble.. Please someone help me make a decision..

I'm felt very sanfu, no only me, even you also did, right? Sigh, sorry to appear on your life, i'm should not meet you.. Wrong time, wrong fate, wrong feel..

很痛苦.. Very suffer..

嗨，
我真的快疯掉了，
就是一直放不下才这样，
我真的真的很辛苦，
我很想很想妳。
强逼自己爱上其他人，
强逼自己忘记妳，
强逼自己憎恨妳，
所作所为，
都只会导致自己，
对妳越来越着迷下去，
我甚至有点恨自己，
妳不可能会喜欢我，
可是我就是放不下，
以为早点睡，
不去想就会没事，
却睡下醒下，
妳一直断断续续的出现在梦里。
我不敢再告诉别人，
自己对妳的思念了，
因为只会导致自己很辛苦，
我好想哭出来，
却明白一种道理，
哭对于成年人来说，
是一种很愚蠢的行为，
没有人会同情与可怜我的眼泪。
今年是我过得非常辛苦的新年，
我不知道怎样才能忘记，
如果可以选择，
我宁愿选择不去告诉妳，
我情愿妳从不懂我爱上妳。
Sigh,
i'm really gonna crazy,
cause until now just because i'm can't put down,
i'm really really feel very very suffer,
i'm really really miss you very very much..
Forced self fall on other,
Forced self forget you,
summore forced self to hate you,
but all of this,
just only cause me fall more deep on you,
i'm hate my self,
knew you will never fall to me,
but i'm can't just let go it,
though go to bed early,
that can't let self stop miss you,
but keep sleep while and wake while,
just because keep dream you inside my mind..
Dare not to let people know anymore,
about the feel i'm fall on you,
did that just will let self feel more pain,
i'm really hope can be fine after cry,
but i'm understand that,
crying for a mature,
is an action very foolish,
no one will sympathy or pity of my tears..
This CNY will be my very suffer year,
i'm don't know what to do only can forgot,
if there could be choose,
i'm wish to choose never tell you my feel,
i'm hope never let you know i'm fall on you..

Sigh.. I'm know you read this, will never feel better than me, but i'm hope you just treat this as a joke, i'm feel very suffer to write out, if i'm don't i will really crazy, i'm can't choose msg you to write this just because will made you feel more suffer.. Please forgive all my childish action, i'm really feel sam tong to cause we become like this.. My friend said that why you still took me as friend, there because we have the 10years friendship, it's can't said throw it then can done it, if i'm really wan't forgot you i'm really need to stop my blog, start don't care you until you stop care me.. I'm feel suffer to made this decision, how will you think if you was me?

I'm dream again,
I'm lost again,
I'm miss you again..
Dumb2, remember the " noh 55!w w! "?
And this picture..

Sigh, this picture..

Midnight 04:17,
Page 64,
by Yht..

Lonely Lonely..

That is very stupid, i'm though i'm already forgot, but actually there just "i'm though", there is never happen yet..

This fool trying to lie himself there he is happy, but when the lie is bocoh, there is just made him feel more crap..

Feel very lonely, can i just don't care anything and sleep until everything is fine? My friend advice me that why don't you try don't care her first, if i'm din't care first, then she will no more care you again.. Did it's working? Or did i'm she dak you no care anymore?

Sigh, very upset, very lonely, very speechless, don't think much please idiot, what you fall is the past, not the current.. Do you know what i'm fall on? What i'm should to let go?

没人要.. No More Love..

算了吧，
别想爱了，
除了自己，
别再想其他了，
毕竟都单身那么多年了，
只要自己想好点，
就是对自己最好的了。
别傻了，
只有放下对爱的执着，
才是最好的了，
如果没人爱自己，
就只好爱自己好了。
Let it bah,
no more think about love,
beside think all about self,
should not think other people,
already single so many year,
treat myself better,
is the only way..
No more fool,
put down the love,
only the best way for now,
if there is no one to love me,
then i'm the only one love sendiri bah..

Happy Valentine to myself =)

Night 22:07,
Page 63,
by Kenny Yht..

教训.. Lesson..

冲动，
自大，
自私，
目中无人，
这一切一切，
都是导致今日所发生的一切。
一直亡命驾驶，
飞快车，
完全不理会汽车的状态，
导致现在引擎报销，
这一切都是自找的。
这个教训让我无地自容，
当日不停埋怨，
没好好冷静思考，
在公司面对困难，
还要增加支出，
看来要好好冷静，
为公司杀出一条生路。
Arrogant,
Selfish,
Impulses,
Din't put everyone on eye,
all of this,
cause the happen today,
keep driving dangerous,
driving fast,
din't care the car status,
made the heart of car get damage,
all just because of me..
This lesson let me feel shame,
everyday just know to complain,
din't calm down and take a thinking,
still increase company spending,
even know company in worst situation,
it's time to think about,
what to do for let company back to good..

Sigh, today have a bad begining, don't know how do you? It's about few day you din't read it, don't know you busy or handling something big? Sigh, i'm so upset leh.. Be a man need handle so much pressure geh T..T

Morning 10:54,
Page 62,
by Kenny Yht..

逃避妳.. Avoid you..

有时候会想，
该不该问人，
关于我和妳的关系，
之后我还是问了，
但是我发觉，
其实不该问，
因为我心中有了答案。
一直寄情于工作，
想把对妳的思念忘记，
原来这完全不行。
后来想说找人陪伴，
更加不行，
只会加深我逃避着妳的事实，
想说算了吧，
可是在夜晚却一直想起妳，
我到底在做什么，
我只是在加深妳的痛苦，
真的对不起。
Sometime will thinking,
should i'm ask people opinion,
about me and you,
but i'm notice that,
everytimes i'm asked,
actually is helpless,
because my heart already have an answer..
Put all the time on working,
try to forgot the feel on you,
but there is absoluty not working..
After that though find people accompany when home,
more worst for this way,
that will keep increase the truth i'm try to avoiding you,
feel just let self keep like that bahh,
but every night keep miss you again and again,
what i'm doing right now?
I'm just increase to hurting you more and more,
I'm really sorry..

Sigh, sorry to miss you again, i'm know i'm should let go, but i'm don't know why i'm can't done it.. Even if i'm know that you will not accept me even you single, but i'm just don't know why i'm still csn't let go.. Sigh, i'm know sorry is useless, but there is nothing i can done beside feel sorry on you..

Day one sleep without music.. Hope can go into dream..

Midnight 12:17,
Page 61,
by Kenny Yht..

家族公司.. Home company..

很多人话，
为家族企业工作，
是很幸福很幸运，
其实人们误解了，
为家族企业工作，
面对比外面沉重百倍的压力，
不是世人眼中那么幸运。
在中学求学时，
假期就会帮老爸公司工作，
几乎天天热晒雨淋，
出来社会后，
进入老爸公司打工，
没有大学学历没有工作经验，
在外人眼中很幸运，
毕竟不用为三餐烦恼。
可是打理一家公司，
不是外人能明白，
因为很多原因我不干了，
之后因为老爸年纪大了，
只能继续进回公司帮忙。
今天，
我真的心灰意冷了，
人说，
不在其位，
不谋其政。
我为了什么要拼命下去？
爸，
你可以对工人发脾气，
但是你要明白，
一个老板最重要是沉稳，
一家公司最重要是士气，
再这样下去，
连我都无法干下去，
你说你工人顶得下去吗？
如果在外做的不开心就辞职，
但是我能吗？
已经对爱情失去意义的我，
曾经想专心于事业，
可是现在这样，
我已经失败到什么动力都没了。
这也导致我飞快车的原因吧，
我实在撑不下去，
妳懂吗？
我想妳了，
就在我什么都失去时，
只能想着妳。
A lot people said that,
work as home company,
is very lucky and happy,
the fact is they misunderstanding it,
work as home company,
the pressure faced is x100 then outside company,
not happy and lucky like people saw it..
When study at secondary school,
will help dad when holidays,
most of that time need work under the sun,
after school day,
go in dad's company working,
without the experience and education background,
i'm quite lucky then other people,
no need to worry too much of money..
But manage a company,
is not easy then people said,
because of some reason i'm quit for temporary,
but going back to company,
when i'm notice dad's is old leh..
Today,
i'm really feel disppointed very very much,
people said,
don't take the job,
with the wrong position..
What the point i'm fight for?
Dad,
you may release your anger to worker,
but you really need to understand,
important for a boss is steady,
important for a company is morale,
if you still continue this way,
even if me also beh tahan,
how could you expect your worker could?
If working at outside i'm can quit if i'm work till unhappy,
but could i'm do that also now?
I'm lost everything in love,
all i'm hope is build my career,
but cause like this,
i'm lost all my point to keep fighting..
Maybe that the reason i'm keep drive fast gua,
i'm really can't hold on it anymore,
do you understand?
I'm miss you,
when i'm lost everything i have,
just can miss you far away..

It's a suffer time to me, i'm set a time frame to forgot you, i'm tried replace you with other, what i'm did is quite failed.. If human can choose to delete some memory, i'm hope delete the part of i'm fall on you, but there is no if..

Sigh, good nited and sweet dream.. I'm sorry to tell you all this again and this totally no kaitan with you, but i'm really very very... Sigh, i'm sorry..

Midnight 04:54,
Page 60,
by Kenny Yht..

恐惧.. Fear..

下坡，
时速不明，
左边罗里，
右边汽车，
中间时速不明的我，
在两架汽车中穿过。
电影中以慢动作播放，
这一切，
发生与今晚回家途中，
可以说幸运，
也可以说玩命。
回家后，
我好怕，
怕的不是死亡，
是我为何享受着那种过程，
我的恐惧感呢？
我会变成什么？
我究竟为什么？
Down hill,
speed unknown,
left side is lorry,
right side is incoming car,
middle crossing with high speed,
sucessfull and closer to crash..
All of this will be playing with slow motion for a movie,
but all of this,
just happened tonight when i'm home,
can say that is lucky,
also can say that to playing with death..
After home,
i'm feel very scare,
what to made me scare is not because of dead,
is about i'm still enjoying that speeding cross..
Where is my sense of fear?
What i will become?
And why for all about this?

I'm afraid that i'm will become worst, what if i'm happened just now? What is the feel of that? Speeding, i'm knew that will be happened someday, no matter how best of the calculation, if i'm miss one mini meter, i'm will gone.. Sigh..

有些事.. There is something..

最近纠缠与当自己不开心，
是不是告诉别人比较好，
可是我发现，
我不再希望让人知道，
每当我不开心，
找人倾诉后的结果，
是失去一位朋友。
与一位小学同学相遇，
原来她离开小学后经历大起大落，
已经变的非常坚强。
很好奇为什么我不能坚强，
看到身边朋友都过得很好，
真的觉得自己迷失了，
那个真正的我究竟去了哪里？
非常努力把忧伤收藏起来，
只有隐藏的越好，
才不会越来越不开心。
Always wondering if i'm unhappy,
should tell people that or not,
but i'm notice that,
i'm no longer wish to tell people my unhappy,
just because the result,
everytimes i'm tell someone my unhappy,
is lost a friend to cheer me up again..
(Every one have their trouble too, Sigh..)
Meet a primary schoolmate early time,
after she left primary school have a suffer time,
and she become very tough now adays..
I'm wondering why i can't be tough,
seen all the friend have a happy life,
i'm feel i'm lost,
where is the really me?
Hidding the sadness very hardful,
need to hide it nicely,
so that can be pretend i'm good..

Morning 11:07,
Page 59,
by Kenny Yht

the Reality and Dream..

Sigh..

Why i'm wan't do this, i'm knew that clearly, what happened in the dream is totally won't happen in reality.. Sometimes people only will awake after they made the fool..

Since i'm woke up by the dream, i'm was so much worry.. I'm feel so "luan", and send the msg to you immediately, summore can't be send because of phone out of credit.. Made me more worry, luckily there is really nothing happen..

If the real what people said, what happening in the dream and the reality is totally reverse, then you will be have a happy day of today.. I'm wish that is real, i'm will be fine, take care..

There is foolish but really "fong sam" there is nothing happen.. =)

心事说谁知？ Who to tell when down?

过去的这么多天，
告诉很多人我的心事，
有人会说，
那你忘记吧，
也有人说继续傻下去咯，
更有人说我不知怎样帮你。
让我想起一句话，
看热闹的人很多，
真正帮忙的没几个。
当我彷徨无助，
其实只想对妳说心事，
因为过去不管我多烦，
你都不会说一句你很烦，
就像妳说那样，
妳是在乎的，
别再说妳不在乎。
其实不管妳有看我部落格与否，
我都是放不下的，
爱一个人对我来说很痛苦，
因为我被伤害过了，
我怕再一次受伤。
如果爱一个人让我那么痛苦，
我真的不想去寻找爱了。
今天无止尽的想起妳，
也有心事想对妳说，
但是却不敢找妳 =')
So many days has over,
told many people my feel,
some will said,
you forgot her bahh,
some said you mah keep continue stupid lo,
summore some said i'm really don't know how to help..
Remind me a meaning sentence,
when an accident happen,
the people watching is always many then helping..
When i'm felt helpness,
actually i'm really hope tell you my sadness,
because no matter how many complain i'm tell you,
you will never said i'm very fan,
just like what you said,
actually you did care,
don't said you don't care..
No matter you read my blog or not,
i'm still same can't put down,
love someone is very painful for me,
because i'm has been hurt before,
i'm afraid the second time..
If that suffer when i'm loving someone,
i'm really don't wish to searching my love anymore..
Today i'm miss you very much and much,
and hope to tell you my unhappy,
but same as dare not find you..

What if someone sms you and said, hey, how do you do? Chit chat mah? If there will be me, are you will reply? Sigh.. I'm made everything become worst, and no more energy to cheer up..

Midnight 00:38,
Page 58,
by Kenny Yht..

勉强.. Unconvincing..

拜读一篇文章，
内文提及一部卡通的人物，
虽然不是主要人物，
但是背后的意义是挺好的，
是宫崎骏大师的作品中，
一部叫“千与千寻”的作品。
文中对于人物背后的描写，
完全带出人类的内心空虚。
其实我就像文中所说，
强求着一切不可能的事，
为了让别人在乎自己，
而做出违背良心的事。
如果有机会，
希望我有能力改变现在，
让自己能真正放下，
轻松的挥手说再见。
Read a theory with accidently,
that talk about a character of an anime,
although that not talk about tha main character,
but the meaning of the character is quite nice,
that anime is another masterpiece of Hayao Miyazaki,
named "Spirited Away"..
The meaning behind the character,
is absoluty bring the point of human heart lonely feeling..
Actually i'm just same as the theory said,
i'm wan't something too over and impossible,
for let people care all about me,
i'm made a lot to let people feel bad,
if there still left chance,
i'm really hope to change,
let my self can really to put it down,
to said see yea to her with pure heart..

Woke up by a dream, i'm though i'm ready, actually i'm not..
Sigh, what i am?

Midnight 04:37,
Page 57,
by Kenny Yht..

不能做的事.. Can't do that..

人在极度无助时，
总会胡思乱想，
拜读一篇文章后，
知道男人该如何思考，
但是实行起来却不容易，
可能与我天生爱玩有关。
有很多事我想做，
可是知道不能这样，
是什么事呢？
就像我其实想发信息问妳，
今天过得怎样？
或者问妳工作累吗？
还有妳有喝多多水吗？
这些以前我会问，
可是现在连问都没资格问。
当朋友变成暧昧，
再成为陌生人，
这种滋味无法言喻。
真希望问妳，
今天好吗？
When human felt helpless,
will think much worst,
after i'm read a theory,
knew that how a man thinking,
but wan't made it is quite hard,
maybe because i'm never serious to life..
There is many thing i'm hope to do,
but i know can't do it,
what it is?
Something like i'm really hope can msg you that,
Hi how do you do today?
Or ask you tired mah after work?
Or do you drink many many water?
Last time i will do that,
but now i'm no have the right to ask you that..
When friend trying to play the couple game,
after the end of game and become stranger,
that feeling is can't mean by any word..
Hope to ask you,
"How are you?" =)

Midnight 12:16,
Page 56,
by Kenny Yht..

离开？ Leaving?

有些人，
注定在你生命中成为过客，
虽然你会想起那个人，
但是思念必须双方面的，
爱情更是双方面经营的。
我曾经说不再丢下妳，
只是我能这样说吗？
在我埋怨妳的时候，
我想得到的是妳的关怀，
却忽略这并不是妳的责任，
其实我会担心妳过的好吗？
只是我不敢去问罢了。
妳不开心还会让我知道吗？
如果没人让妳打骂咬，
还会记得我这笨士兵吗？
妳今天过的开心吗？
其实我从没离开过。
Some people,
just is a passenger in your life,
although i'm will miss you,
but miss someone is need both side,
just like love need manage by two..
I'm tell you that never leave you anymore,
just did i'm got the qualify to made this promise?
When i'm keep complain on you,
what i'm expect is your care,
but i'm din't realize that not your responsible..
Actually i'm did care how are you now?
Just i'm dare not to ask anymore,
Will you still let me know when you're unhappy?
If there is no one let you punch kick and bite,
will you still remember me this dumb soldier?
How are you today?
Are you still hsppy like last time?
Actually i'm never leave =')

Morning 11:37,
Page 55,
by Kenny Yht..

在乎吗？ Care about?

一直怀疑自己是不是有病，
每次想妳时特意去忘记，
想忘记时却特别在意，
究竟我是爱妳，
或者只是纯碎喜欢妳？
当初妳说当妳不见，
我会找妳，
有点想知道如果我不见，
妳还会记得我吗？
还是妳总相信我会找妳，
而不是妳主动找我？
其实不管我表现出多坏，
背着人们写在这的一切，
妳也明白我其实装得很辛苦，
是吗？
Doubt my self is sick or what,
everytimes trying forgot you when i'm miss you,
but very care when trying to forgot you,
actually is i'm love you,
or i'm just only like you?
You said i'm will find you,
when you're gone,
feel to know what if i'm gone,
will you find me or just forgot about me?
Or you believe that i'm will find you,
before you find me?
Actually no matter how bad i'm act infront people,
behind the truth all will be writing on here,
you did understanding actually i'm acting with very suffer,
right?

A real man will done happen with clean and clear, i'm can't keep acting like a kid, always say one but did two.. Sigh, so hard to be a man.. Steady steady, i'm can made it..

Night 22:32,
Page 54,
by Kenny Yht..

the Truth behind the Bad..

Sometimes human really so funny, they though they could be, even if they insist of it, but they will failed, because they forced their heart made something they don't wan't to..

I'm wan't be the devil, the bad one, for no more hurt feeling to heart, but what i'm now? I'm woke up and really really wish to msg you and scold you, but did it you fault? Your responsible? No.. All this happen because i'm think you much in normal day, so made my night become worst.. If the fate still not enough enjoyable by playing me, i'm really wish to let fate know that, actually i'm nothing more can be playing.. I'm done, even if how much i'm not wish to accepted the truth, your heart occupy by him already, that is the truth, not depend on i'm accept it or not, that is happening right now..

People always said that, the truth is cruel.. Because there is not the answer of happiness, so if future, i'm wish that i'm can be trained until no heart, because when you threw a glass to the floor, it's over, no matter how many apologize, there is same result.. I'm did that to your heart, so that i'm never will let this happen to other anymore..

Don't know why wan't tell you this, maybe i'm tried to earn your pity, even if know you already no care about it, but i'm trying to say is.. You said you felt before what i'm felt now, hope me put down and let go, do you know when someone lost the point to fight for his life, how can he still can move on for pointless? I'm fight for defend you two last time, i'm fight for someone i'm love last time, i'm fight for my family i'm protecting, i'm fight for my future with light, but what if there is no more reason to let you stand up and fight for? Do you felt someone you love leave you? Do you felt the breaking of family? Do you felt you future is hopeless? I'm try to stand up for last few year and i'm did, but now i'm lost the last point to fight, so don't think you know me so much, because you just know i'm don't accept the truth, is because something cause me carry on too much, the truth forced me to the death end, i'm know you not agreed what i'm said, and i'm assuming again, but what if i'm write here and no any respond, beside assuming what can do else..

Game of bad is on,
It's time hide the good,
and show people the bad..

坏人角色.. The bad guy character..

无论坏角色让自己多痛苦，
除了坚持下去，
又还能怎样呢？
当自己放弃当一个好人，
就已经和魔鬼签了约，
已经不再是有灵魂的躯体。
不但终生与恶魔为伍，
还要习惯带给别人痛苦，
恶魔原本就是制造悲剧，
要当一个称职的恶魔，
就必须习惯伤害人，
而且不会保有同情心，
这样就不会有痛苦了。
恶魔之约，
命中注定要与我碰上，
而我，
既然选择当一个坏人，
就别想回头，
没有人会在乎世界上少了我。
No matter how worst the bad guy giving,
beside insist on it,
what else can do?
When i'm give up be a good people,
i'm already made a deal with devil,
my soul already leave from body,
not only will live with devil,
i'm had to biasa bring pain to other,
the job of devil is bring the suffer,
if i'm wan't be a devil,
must biasa make suffer to people,
and throw away the pity,
only that won't get hurt anymore,
deal with devil,
that is part of my fate,
and me,
when made decision be a bad people,
there is no way back,
No one will care the world lost someone like me..

Midnight 02:00,
Page 53,
by Kenny Yht..

纹身.. Tattoo..

做一个坏人，
需要放弃感情，
因为没有了感情，
就不会再心痛，
所以首先要冷却自己的心，
没有了心肝，
就不会对人抛心抛肺。
会不会觉得我在狡辩？
其实我只是慢慢心寒，
不再对别人过于在乎。
昨晚快吓死友人，
深夜出去吃点心时，
跑得太快，
朋友问我一句，
“你发生什么事喔？”
哈哈，
那种速度就怕，
还差得远呢。
为了让自己记得坏人不能痛，
所以决定要纹身，
警惕自己不能再在乎别人。
Wan't to be a bad person,
must give up the feeling,
without the feeling,
there will never get hurt anymore,
first i'm need cold my heart,
no more heart to everyone,
there is no people can hurting it anymore..
Did anyone feel i'm talk crap at all?
Actually i'm feel too dissapointed to people,
must not care people anymore..
Scared my friend last night,
when we wen't to supper,
drive too fast,
friend asked me that,
"What wrong with you?"
Haha,
speed just like that will scare?
Still far for the limit..
Feel wan't tattoo,
to remind self can't and no more care other feeling..

Just meet a primary school-mate like to speed driving, great, if have chance can ask for a race.. Feel like only will happen in movie, haha, excited..

Morning 09:41,
Page 52,
by Kenny Yht..

the Good people Bad people..

I'm believe that before, a good people has the good return, when you treat people good, people will treat you good.. What i'm believe is a joke, 25years i'm keep tell self don't do the bad, and be good to people, help people when they need help, see what i'm become..

Be a bad people at least won't get hurt from people anymore, who will care a good people become a bad people, what i'm believe is a joke.. I'm though a good people is less from the world already, actually this world more or less a people like me, is absoluty no difference at all..

I'm believe what you said to me, i'm did believe, but now? Who care me? Beside myself, there is no one will care self, i'm try did everything to forget about you, but did it fail? I'm don't know because i'm still working hard to cheating self i'm fine..

Argue with friend about be the good or bad people, he scold me trying to "tou bei" the problem, not put down the problem, who care i'm run away or what, you? What you told me is lie, give up? Haha, i'm will be fine without you, so..? I'm the bad and shyt people..

厌生.. Lost the point for life..

驾驶对人来说是必须的，
不知从何时开始，
我对速度带来的恐惧，
慢慢的慢慢的，
失去恐惧的感觉，
每次握住方向盘，
就觉得越快越好，
不再顾及身边人的安全，
不再顾及其他路上使用者的安危，
不再对自己生命负责，
一直跑一直跑，
如果我生命注定要失去，
在速度上失去也许就是最好的方法咯…
Driving is part of life for everyone,
not sure start from when,
i'm lost the fear from speeding,
With slowy.. slowly..
i'm lost the feel of fear,
everytimes i'm holding the steering,
will feel that more faster more the best,
no more care the people whose care me,
no more care the people whose using the road,
no more responsibility to my life,
keep running fast and fast,
if my life must lost,
why don't just lost at speed..

Morning 10:42,
Page 51,
by Kenny Yht..

the Player..

Every games have the winner and the loser, when won the game is the happy but if lost the game will be the one very bad feeling, especially you're nearly thr champion title..

So if there the choice of Failed player and Failed been playing, which will you choose? I'm will pick the player seat, why? Because when you has been played by people, even if there is kind player, the one whose has been played will be quite bad feeling.. So i'm choose be the player even if i'm the fail one, i'm will never get hurt by player anymore..

Everyone has their past, before you judge they, please make sure you know they enough and make sure what you saying won't made a mark inside their heart..

So let start the game..

The Bad Raise

I'm gonna mad, what i'm become like this, i'm feel sad, feel bad, feel lonely, smile? What is that? 

When the moment i'm ready get out from your world, you step in again and again, when i'm plan to stay with you no matter what happen, you let me know that all i'm think is fault, and you do what i'm wish to, gone..

If i'm the selfish person as you said, why i'm felt so bad right now, can't sleep, can't eat, can't live like normal people, why the selfish people can live like this?

You give me your answer is don't hope, so now i'm no hope anymore, i'm wan't to be the person not the one you knew, like that we can feel better..

10 years frienship just because i'm the fool so end up like this, who i am and what i am? Heh, it's joke?

爸.. Dad..

踏入2014年第一天，
今天朋友约去看戏，
看了一套不怎么期待的戏，
成龙的警察故事2013，
看完才知道这是一套很棒的电影，
真的感慨万分。
First day step into year 2014,
friend date me to movie,
watch a movie not really interested,
Police Story 2013 by Jackie Chan,
after finish baru figure out that is very great movie,
really feel a lot..

让我想起爸爸对我的好，
一直忽略着爸爸的好，
当年刚刚失恋，
是他的拥抱，
才让我重新振作起来，
原来不怎么说话的爸，
是我失落的避风港。
The movie made me remember the good of my dad,
always ignore the good of daddy,
the moment when i'm just break up with ex-girlfriend,
is his hug,
let me realized how to stand up,
my dad always less talking,
but he was the safe haven when i'm down..

从小父亲给我的感觉，
很严肃很凶，
不敢靠近，
其实在自己最不开心时，
他就会让自己感觉到最安全，
不管自己出了什么事，
他都是最保护自己的那个，
想起自己给爸那么多麻烦，
真是一个不孝的孩子，
有时真的很想对他说，
爸，我爱你 =)
The feeling on my dad,
is very seriousness,
dare not get close to him,
actually when i'm feel most down that moment,
he the one let me feel most safe,
no matter what happen to me,
he is the one most protecting me,
think that bring so much trouble to him,
i'm really is a child very bat hao,
sometimes really hope dare to tell him,
Dad, I'm Love You =)

Today is the first day force self again no more thinking to you again, no matter success or not, but this is good for a beginning, if i'm din't start it, i'm will never forgot the pain, if i'm din't forgot the pain, i'm the one whose keep get hurting and don't know say out the pain..

Midnight 00:12,
Page 50,
by Kenny Yht..

写给谁看？ Write this to who?

度过了2013年，
进入了2014年，
13 14，
对我来说是，
我这辈子的遗憾，
因为妳已经对我完全不在乎了。
2013 is over,
2014 is come,
13 14,
the meaning to me,
is the sorry of the life time,
because i'm made you totally give up to me..

玩得疯疯癫癫，
喝的烂醉如泥，
醒来后却空虚万倍，
一直在想，
妳已经不在乎了，
我写部落格还有什么意义？
看到妳对我的冷淡，
使我明白到，
当失去一个自己在乎的人的在乎，
是那么的痛。
Playing until crazy,
drink until drunk,
feel lonely very when awake,
keep thinking,
you're not care anymore,
what is the point of continue writing?
Sense the cool of your reply,
let me knew that,
when lost the care of someone i'm care,
is painful until can't write with any word in the world..

妳知道吗，
当年我被一个人伤害过，
以为她在乎我那么多年，
最后才发现原来，
在我和她过去那几年，
她不是那么喜欢和我在一起，
让我对人心完全失去信心，
每当一个人对我说些东西，
我就猜测到底什么意思，
往往就往不好的方向去想，
因为她已经夺走我的安全感。
可能是我的借口吧，
反正我已经不会再爱了。
Do you know,
at my past i'm was hurting by someone deeply,
i'm though her care me for so long,
at last i'm figure out,
the time she pass with me,
she was not really like to stay with me,
i'm lost trust to people from that time,
when people told me something,
i'm will guessing what the meaning,
when someone keep thinking that,
that will made the wrong direction of thinking,
maybe that she already took my sense of security,
or maybe this just excuse of me,
but never mind because i'm don't wan't love anymore..

我已经强迫自己忘记妳了，
因为如果不这样做，
我不知道还能怎样，
是的我已经痛够了，
我是一个人，
当妳无意识的伤害了我，
我已经不想再继续被伤害下去了，
我痛够了，
我也伤害妳够了，
我们连朋友都不能做下去，
既然这样，
我想念妳还有什么意思，
就算我忘不了妳，
至少妳不知道我忘不了，
妳已经不在乎，
对吗？
也许我的假设，
因为我感觉妳很陌生，
不再是那个我喜欢的妳。
I'm forcing self to forgot about you,
just because if i'm not doing that,
i'm really don't know what else i'm can do,
yea i'm feel pain enough,
i'm a human,
when you hurting me without motive,
i'm already feel not continue get hurt,
i'm pain enough,
what i'm hurt to you also enough,
even is friend we can't be,
become like this,
what the point i'm still miss you,
even if i'm can't forgot you,
at least you don't know i'm din't forget,
you're not care anymore,
right?
Maybe i'm assuming again,
because i'm feel stranger on you,
you already not the one whose i'm should be fall..

Midnight, headache very, after drink and drunk, i'm still feel lonely, maybe is just awhile, maybe is forever, but should i'm care anymore? Should not, because i'm become a zombie..

Midnight 04:25,
Page 49,
by Kenny Yht..