悲痛.. the Sadness..

含着泪的写这篇日记，
原以为2013年没遗憾了，
却没想到最后一天，
我失去了妳，
当时我丢下妳，
说的怎样痛苦般的，
原来当自己真正没资格关心妳，
是这么痛苦着的，
今天是我人生最痛的一天，
不管将来会怎样，
今天已经成为一个遗憾。
Writing with very sadness,
i'm though no more sorry for 2013,
unbelievable until the last day,
i'm lost you already,
last time i'm drop you away,
said till how painful i'm,
actually when you really no care anymore,
is so painful then my imagination,
today is the most painful day in my life,
no matter how the future,
today is already made the sorry..

我很想妳，
不再有为什么了，
看了一次又一次信息，
不再有妳的关怀了，
痛过了，
哭过了，
自己错失了，
妳说清楚了，
就得自己接受了，
怪自己孩子气，
对妳说出那种话，
可是已经收不回来了，
挑战妳的极限，
最后伤害到大家了。
I'm miss you,
no more asking why,
read the message again and again,
can't have the care anymore,
pain,
cry,
i'm missed,
you clear,
i'm must accept it,
hate self said that childish word,
say the bad thing to you,
but there is can't take back anymore,
challenge your limit of anger,
at the end hurt you hurt self..

不管妳会不会在乎我，
我只想真心对妳说，
因为我对妳的感觉太深，
让我不能保持理智，
做出很多不成熟的事情，
对不起，
知道没法修补一切，
请容许我对妳说声，
对不起。
No matter you will care or not anymore,
i'm hope to tell you truely heart,
because i'm fall to you too deep,
made me can't keep rationality,
made many childish to you,
I'm Sorry,
i'm know sorry can't repair everything,
but please let me say a,
Sorry to you ><

Dumb2,
you know sometimes sei lord is talking without brain, morning that message i'm really hope to let the situation become better abit.. I'm tau you very angry i'm fitnah you, i'm also misunderstanding you, because i'm jealous.. Everytimes i'm waiting your message, i'm keep telling self you're busy, especially your grandPa just passed away, i'm should not asking you everything right now.. But i'm lost control..

What you saying me at the message is true, i'm can't accept the answer so i'm choose to escape they.. When i'm home i'm asked friend about today our communication, they explain to me how you're think and how i'm misunderstanding your message.. I'm felt painful after i'm get from her, but everything is too late..

I'm sorry, i'm still miss you like all the time, but what i'm did is just bring you pressure and upset.. I'm will learn how to accept this truth, and wish you have a happy 2013, a new 2014.. Bye, my friend..

I'm sorry =')

Midnight 04:15,
Page 48,
by Kenny Yht..

恶劣.. Most worst..

原以为今年不会再痛，

是我太在乎妳那信息，

朋友解释给我听，

妳从没给过我希望，

在妳给我的信息已经说清楚，

现在不会，

就算妳单身也不会，

我在听时，

我的心很痛，

我想哭，

没眼泪可以流，

她说我想法成熟点啦，

不管妳或我朋友都说得对，

我不接受不是自己要的答案，

妳以后都不会理我了，

虽然我的心很痛，

很想哭，

可是妳已经不在乎了，

你看也好，

由得我也好，

我是喜欢妳，

妳就由得我吧，

不管我多痛多不开心，

不关妳事！

If you care, self translate or ask ppl read to you.........

Im miss you,

So?

Just let me,

even if im not around you,

dont say till u care me very..

Angry? You should..

Night 22:48,

Page 47,

by Kenny Yht..

又搞砸.. Screw up again..

心情很差很差，
刚又搞砸了，
感觉很内疚，
为什么就不能装傻？
就继续装不在乎，
可是我很想让妳知道，
我不是妳，
我不会把心事藏的那么好。
Feel very very bad mood,
screw up again,
feel very guilty,
why i'm don't art fool more?
Just pretend i'm don't care,
but i'm hope you understand,
i'm not you,
can't hide anything very good..

其实我想让妳知道，
我不会把心事藏的好，
因为我在乎，
妳告诉我不开心，
我当然希望妳告诉我，
因为这样我就知道，
原来妳不开心了，
我不可以只在乎自己，
我想了一次又一次，
别问妳，
千万别问妳，
就这样装下去，
可是我的心很痛，
对不起，
我不会说话，
让妳那么生气，
是的每次我都搞砸，
每次我都把气氛弄得那么差，
对不起，
我不配妳当我朋友，
Actually i'm hope let you know,
i'm can't hide everything good as you,
because i'm care,
when you told me your unhappy,
of course i'm hope you let me know,
because if i'm know,
i'm can care about your feel,
i'm think that again and again,
don't ask you,
absolutly don't ask you,
just pretend nothing like last night,
but my heart very pain very pain,
i'm sorry,
i'm don't know talk well,
made you angry again,
yea i'm screw up everytimes,
everytimes i'm made that situation to worst,
i'm sorry,
i'm not worth be your friend..

现在写的一切，
真的是我的心情，
我想到什么就写什么了，
是的我喜欢妳，
从六年前就喜欢妳，
我觉得那天妳不开心，
我也因为妳不开心所以睡不着，
我不明白为什么要告诉我，
我那时觉得妳怎么了？
之后妳说了妳的事，
我才知道发生那么多，
我很心疼妳，
很不开心自己帮不到妳，
我想逗你开心，
之后看到妳好多了，
我才忍不住问妳，
其实我心里想问妳的是，
是不是想给我希望，
现在知道不是了，
又怎样，
我心在淌血，
我很怕妳不再告诉我妳的事，
我很怕妳不再在乎我，
我很怕以后都没联系，
很多我都很怕，
可是我不能决定什么，
因为我喜欢妳，
而妳却心有所属，
妳知道吗，
我真的真的很喜欢妳了。
Everything i'm wrote,
is really really my real feel,
what i'm thinking and i'm feel,
yea i'm fall to you,
since six year ago i'm did,
i'm feel you unhappy that day,
because of you i'm feel unhappy until can't sleep,
i'm wonder why you need me to know,
i'm feel what happen to you that moment,
after you told me everything,
i'm knew that a lot happen to you,
i'm feel sad for you,
and upset self can't help you at all,
i'm hope to made you smile again,
after saw you feel better,
i'm baru dare to ask,
actually i'm was asking is,
do you give me hope again?
Now i'm know that not,
but what next?
My heart is bleeding,
i'm afraid you never tell me your thing again,
i'm afraid you never care again,
i'm afraid we never contact again,
many many i'm fear,
but i'm not the one made decision,
because i'm fall to you,
but your heart is occupy by him,
do you know?
I'm really really fall in deep on you..

I'm sorry for i'm din't keep the friendship nicely,
I'm sorry for everything i'm hurting you,
I'm sorry for i'm keep made the situation until now,
I'm sorry for everything,
I'm really...
really...
really...
very miss you today...
I'm sorry for this...

Midnight 12:40,
Page 46,
by Kenny Yht..

很想妳.. Miss you much..

早晨梦见妳了，
在梦里的妳，
对着我流泪，
告诉我一些事，
但是我却无法听懂，
看着我妳泪流满脸，
我却无能为力。
Dream you again this morning,
you in th dream,
crying infront me,
telling me something,
but i'm can't understand,
watching tears fall from your eye,
but i'm can't do anything..

一整天都在等妳找我，
时间越迟就越失落，
知道不管怎样想妳都没用，
这时候不该增加妳烦恼，
如果有那么一天想起我，
希望妳记得告诉我，
别每次都等妳，
我的心已经四分五裂了。
Waiting your msg whole day,
The late of the time made more down,
knew that no matter how much i'm miss you was useless,
right now should bring you more trouble,
if one day you think of me,
please remember to tell me that,
don't wait you next time,
my heart already broken..

Hope brave enoght to ask you join the party of 31th with you,
because is the day of last day of 13 and new day of 14..
Sigh, i'm miss you really,
and why i'm still feel on you =')

Noon 17:40,
Page 45 - 01,
by Kenny Yht..

往事.. the Past..

今天在想该写什么主题，
突然想起一个问题，
其实我从什么时候对妳有感觉？
想了一会，
突然闪出一段回忆。
Still thinking the topic of today,
suddenly came out one question,
that is actually when i'm was feel on you?
Thinking that for a moment,
suddenly show up a memories..

我不知道妳还记得吗，
当年我曾经和妳做过一件事，
我带妳在游戏里逛街，
之后我们一起扑抓蝴蝶，
最后还用蝴蝶结代替抓到的蝴蝶，
就是那时候，
我感觉到对妳有感觉了，
可惜我不能对妳说出来，
只能让妳默默承受一切。
I'm don't know do you remember that or not,
last time i'm was doing something fool with you,
i'm bring you go gai gai in WMO,
after that we catch butterfly under a sakura tree,
at the end we summore use ribbon art the butterfly we catch,
is that time,
i'm fall to you with the feeling,
too sad i'm can't tell you with that,
only can let you keep that feel inside..

当初那段时间，
其实我做过蛮多傻事，
就像临睡前，
如果看到妳在线，
但是知道妳在睡觉，
我就知道妳在收集材料，
我会偷偷找遍所有材料场，
之后偷偷站在妳身旁，
只因为不想妳孤单的收集，
虽然不知道妳感觉到吗？
但是有些事不需要让妳知道，
因为我愿意自己默默承受，
就像当时妳默默承受一切。
During that time,
i'm did a lot foolish happen,
eg. like before go to bed,
if i'm saw you're still online,
but i'm knew you actually slept,
i'm knew that you're collecting the materials,
so i'm will searching whole materials location,
after found you and stand beside you quietly,
just because don't hope you collecting alone,
don't know will you notice or not at that time?
But something really no need to let you know,
because i'm do keep that,
just like what you keep during that time..

往事，
其实真的不堪回首，
只能收藏在回忆里，
默默的祈祷妳过得好，
就已经足够了，
我不是只想看到妳的微笑罢了吗？
只要妳开心的笑，
我还要祈求些什么。
the Past,
actually really bitterly painful,
only can keep deep into memories,
pray for your better life quietly,
that is already enough to me,
all i'm need is just saw your smile again right?
Just if you smile with happiness,
what i'm still hope more for..

Midnight 01:35,
Page 45,
by Kenny Yht..

哄骗.. Hoax..

一直以来想忘记妳，
却想不到给妳再一次答应，
一个我无法后悔的答应，
就是用自己一生守护妳，
看似伟大，
但是做不做到又另一回事，
因为我不是第一次丢下妳不管。
Trying to forgot about you,
unbelievable i'm give you another promise,
a promise i'm can't regret anymore,
that is used my whole life to guard you,
it's look like a great job,
but can be done it or not is another case,
because i'm not the first time leave you alone..

朋友说我脑袋太多妳的事情，
应该清空一切，
然后慢慢想怎样才对我们好，
其实我知道只要我肯放下，
就是对妳和我最好的方法，
可是我却放不下，
真是一个世纪大笨蛋。
Friend said my mind too many of you,
need to clean up everything,
after that think slowly what is good to us,
actually i'm know if i'm could let go,
that is the better way of you and me,
but that i'm failed to done,
really is the foolish people of the century..

如果说喜欢一个人，
会因为她的不开心而不开心，
那我是喜欢了妳吗？
我真的无法睡眠，
我也不知道为什么，
昨天我知道了妳不开心，
我只睡两个小时，
然后六点就起来了，
去公园跑步再回家健身，
让自己累到不行，
却还能去工作，
回家还去逛夜市，
之后出去和朋友喝茶，
这一切却不能导致我疲累，
虽然我的身体很累了，
但是我的精神却无法好好休息。
我怎么会这样？
If said that love someone,
will feel unhappy of her unhappy,
is that i'm really love you?
I'm can't sleep at all,
i'm don't know why will like that,
after i'm knew your happen,
i'm just slept for two hours and awake,
six a.m. move to garden jogging and back home for exercise,
let self tired very,
but still can go for work,
after work lagi move to Psr. Mlm.
summore move to yamcha with friend,
all of this can't made i'm feel tired,
even if my body is tired,
but my mind is still can't rest..
Why i'm will become like that..?

是为了什么让我们这样？
我自问没伤天害理，
我自问对人存善心，
我自问对人平等，
我自问对长辈存尊敬，
为什么我会导致妳我那么不开心？
是我们的命运吗？
还是上天觉得我们很好玩？
What for to made us feel like now?
I'm never did anything bad,
i'm believe self treat people with kindly,
i'm believe self treat people with equality,
i'm believe self treat elder with respect,
why i'm still will made you and i feel so bad like this?
Is our fate?
Or the GOD think we are quite fun to play this game?

Contonese we said
"Yao xi Zhong Mou Yin,"
"Mou xi Ha Ying Chun.."
If you knew this,
please don't tell me,
sigh...
Nited and sweet dream..

Midnight 02:59,
Page 44,
by Kenny Yht..

给妳爷爷的一封信.. The letter of your's grandpa in Paradise..

这不是写给妳看的，
所以希望妳别看，
对不起我不知道，
原来发生这些事，
我还只为自己感受而烦恼妳，
妳也要好好的坚强喔。 =)
This is not write for you,
so i'm hope you don't continue reading,
i'm apologize for din't know that,
actually happen so many on you,
but i'm still disturbing you for my selfish feeling,
promise me you need to hang on.. =)



Dear Sarah's GrandPa,

Hi there, i'm your granddaughter's friend.. My name is Kenny =) and i'm sorry for keep calling your granddaughter "Dumb2", actually she was smart and kind.. That just the nickname for the present day young man using, quite weird but fun =/ Actually i'm know nothing on you, but her tell me that you will bring her buy the "Tang Yuan", the meaning of the food is the family, so i'm believe you are care the family very =)

I'm also know your bring much happiness to her, and i'm believe you made a great job of the family, i'm know that because i'm old fashion people, family is the 1st place of my =) Grandpa, you has guard for the family many year and you made the greater job, so i'm ask for take over the one job from you..

I'm will helping you guard your granddaughter in the future, when her happy, i'm will share her happiness, if her unhappy, i'm will made her smile =) Even if i'm knew you will did that in Paradise, and i'm knew she will feel that also =)

I'm promise i will guard on her, no matter what happen, i'm will never say the word "Leave" ='( I'm beg your forgive because of cause her so sad in the passed times, i knew that i'm not the great 1, but i will try give all the better i have to her, especially the laugh..

At the last, i'm thank you for bring the Angel to my world, without you and you care, she won't come into my world and we can't made friend like now =) Thank You..

Rest In Paradise,
Beloved Dumb2 GrandPa..

Morning 09:10,
Page 43 - 01,
by Kenny Yht..

失去联系.. Disconnected..

已经几天了，
每次起来都会想，
妳有在看部落格吗？
可是希望总带来失望，
只要希望几次，
就会失望几次，
看来妳完全放弃我了 =')
Already few days,
everyday wake up will checking,
do you read my blog again?
But hope always bring the disappointed,
mores i'm hoping,
mores i'm disappointing,
look like you totally give up on me =')

宁静的深夜，
人也感觉特别的孤独，
仿佛世界剩下自己般，
心中有话想告诉妳，
却无法开口，
只能默默的想念妳，
想念妳一次又一次，
不管告诉自己停止这样多少次，
最终还是失败的去想妳。
Midnight with silence,
the feel of lonely special heavy,
feel like the world left me alone,
many word stuck inside the heart,
but dare not to tell you,
only can miss you with quiet and hidden,
miss you again and again,
no matter how many times tell self should stopping all of this,
but at the end is failed and continue to miss you..

会想说妳怎么了，
还好吗？
是回家度过圣诞和新年吗？
还是妳又生病了呢？
突然的断绝了联系，
就像当初我丢下妳一样，
这感觉我现在明白了，
想妳却不敢找妳，
当初妳的感觉是这样吗？
Really hope to know how are you,
are you all right?
Do you wen't home and passed Christmas and New Year with family?
Or you sick again?
Suddenly disconnect like this..
same as that time i'm did on you,
the feel of you i'm felt now,
miss you but can't find you,
is it this your feeling on that time?

How are you?
Sigh..
Sorry for i'm can't forget the feeling,
even if you disappear from my life,
but your shadow still live inside my mind..

Midnight 01:05,
Page 43,
by Kenny Yht..

管理.. Manage..

天天都是雨天，
还好的是没梦见妳，
最近都有点忙，
忙些什么呢？
还不是学习管理，
学习管理公司，
真是难涅。
Raining everydays,
luckily din't dream you,
quite busy current times,
what i'm busy for?
Busy for how manage lorh,
learn how to manage a company,
quite hard nie..

工人又不干了，
还好接近新年，
新的工程都还没开，
不然可就麻烦了，
常听人说，
找工人容易，
找人才难啊，
现在我深深体会了，
找到好的人，
还得从新教导，
想到就头痛了~
Worker ask for resign,
luckily near Chinese New Year,
all new project haven't run yet,
if not that is a serious trouble,
always heard people saying,
find a worker quite easy,
find a talented one quite hard,
now i'm believe that,
even if find a talented one,
still has to teaching from zero,
think about it and quite headache~

累死了，
忙死了，
如果天天都这样就好了，
至少想妳的时间减少了，
不知道妳过得好不好呢？
算了吧，
就算妳过得怎样，
不是我的问题，
好好照顾妳自己吧 =)
Tired,
Busy,
if everyday like now that will quite nice,
at least the time of miss you is minus,
don't know how your life now?
Let it bahh,
even if you has a great life,
that not my business,
just take care yourself bahh =)

Night 20:35,
Page 42,
by Kenny Yht..

圣诞快乐.. Merry Christmas..

圣诞快乐，

就这么四个字，

简单却不能告诉妳，

只好在这里写好了。

Merry Christmas,

a simple two word,

simple and clean but dare not say to you,

only dare to write at here..

原本和朋友看戏，

却因为某些原因看不成，

只是吃点东西，

然后就回家了，

感觉被利用，

我也还不是利用人，

不想自己度过圣诞，

就找人陪我过。

Planned go watch movie with friend,

but cause of some reason din't made it,

just wen't to lunch,

after that moving back to home,

felt used by friend,

but i'm also used her,

no wanna passed Christmas alone,

so find someone accompany..

就这样度过今年的圣诞，

不管妳在何方，

只是想告诉妳一句，

圣诞快乐，

祝妳有个快乐的圣诞节 =)

晚安了，

朋友。

So the Christmas finish like this,

no matter where you are,

just wanna to tell you that,

Merry Christmas,

Wish you have a prefect Christmas =)

Good nited,

my Freind..

Night 23:27,

Page 41,

by Kenny Yht..

原意.. Original Intent..

一直坚持写下去，
却忽略当初写的原意，
当初为了什么而写，
是为了记录自己的心情，
却变成必须写给妳看，
这变质的原意，
不再有意思了。
Keep self to continue writing,
but ignore the point of why begin blogger,
the reason of writing has been distorted,
begin time is for record the feel of everyday,
but now is begin write for you,
that meaning are distorted,
become meanless..

尝试装可怜博妳同情，
但是结果是自欺欺人，
一个那么不成熟的人，
又有谁会同情呢？
违背了对妳的一切承诺，
还祈望妳会关心，
真是天真得可笑。
Try art pity to earn your compassion,
the result of course is lie self and lie people,
a people handle everything like a kid,
how can be earn people sympathy?
break all the promise i'm made,
still hope you will care,
really naive and funny..

告诉自己不要在乎妳看与否，
只要记下今天的开心与不开心，
不就对得起自己了吗？
要告诉妳的都说了，
妳也告诉我答案了，
我还能祈求再多吗？
不能了因为我不配得到更多，
连自己都不在乎自己，
还希望妳在乎我，
可笑，
呵呵.. 呵呵..
Tell to self don't care you're reading or not,
just record the happiness and sadness of day,
at least can let self feel better right?
What should telling you already done all,
you also let me know the answer,
how could i'm still hope except the more?
No, because i'm unworthy to earn more,
even i'm din't care about my self,
summore hope you care about me,
quite funny,
her her.. her her..

Writing under the light,
feel quite lonely,
but the feel of lonely,
not worst then the feel of heart..

Midnight 02:02,
Page 40,
by Kenny Yht..

失眠.. Can't Sleep..

如何幸福，
其实幸福很简单，
就是吃得下和睡得着，
但是我却做不到，
我不幸福吗？
How to happiness,
actually that very simple,
happiness is can eat and can sleep,
but i'm can't do it even if so simple,
is it i'm no longer happiness?

朋友说我非常情绪化，
我也觉得是的，
刚才还觉得还好，
但是现在却很孤单，
人在孤单就会胡思乱想，
特别想一些想在乎的人，
但是却什么都不能做，
真是讽刺。
Friend said my eQ is very fail,
i'm think so,
feel okay just now,
but now feel very lonely,
will think alot when feel lonely,
especially the people they care,
but can't do anything,
quite satire..

在床上转转反则，
就是无法好好入眠，
一直以来都靠听歌来睡，
虽然对耳朵不好，
但是不想眼光光到天亮，
只好让自己不知不觉的睡吧，
听着一首叫 "I Love You. You Love Me" 的歌，
不错的一首歌，
告诉自己睡吧，
晚安了笨蛋。
Turn left and right on bed,
but can't sleep nicely,
all along i'm need sleep with music,
even know bad to ear,
but really not hope open eye until sun raise,
just can let self sleep with unconsciously bah,
listening a song name "I Love You. You Love me",
it's nice song,
it's time to sleep leh,
Good Nited Dumb2..

Staring at the ceiling in the dark
Same old empty feeling in your heart
'Cause love comes slow and it goes so fast
Well you see her when you fall asleep
But never to touch and never to keep
'Cause you loved her too much and you dive too deep
- Let Her Go, Passenger..

Midnight 02:30,
Page 39,
by Kenny Yht..

冬至.. Tang Yuan Day..

今天华人称为冬至，
是家人团圆的一天，
也就是所谓的汤圆节，
到我外婆家吃饭，
很多亲戚都到齐，
大家打打闹闹的，
非常温馨，
很久都没有这种感觉了 =)
Today is "Dong Zhi" of chinese,
the day of family gathering,
a.k.a "Tang Yuan Day" also,
went to grandmum home for dinner,
everyone has be there,
everyone talk and joke,
quite warm,
quite long times din't feel that already =)

在吃饭时，
突然想起了妳，
不知道为什么，
但是想到，
妳有回家吃饭吗？
还是妳没有不知这种节日？
不管怎样都好，
当时就想，
如果突然有这种感觉，
是不是因为妳？
知道这没有答案，
所以想过就算了，
何必追求答案，
答案都会让人痛苦。
When i'm dinner,
suddenly think about you,
don't know why will like that,
but i'm wonder,
do you wen't to home for dinner also?
or you never knew got this big day of chinese?
no matter what,
that moment i'm was thinking,
if i'm feel that suddenly,
is it because of you?
knew that never can get answer,
so just think that and left it,
no need to after the answer,
because the answer is bringing the suffer..

身体还是不太好，
还是早点睡吧，
给一位不能爱的朋友，
祝妳睡好，
晚安 =)
Still feel not well,
going to bed early bah,
to a friend whose i'm should not to love,
sleep tight,
and Good Nited =)

Something happen and can't be change anymore,
what can be changed is,
the Ending..

Night 23:55,
Page 38,
by Kenny Yht..

不应该.. Should not to..

今天犹豫了很久，

到底要不要写呢？

想了又想，

最后还是坚持每天写一次，

算了吧，

谁又会在乎我写与否。

Hesitant for a time,

should i'm write or stop?

Think again and again,

at the end just let it continue,

what ever bahh,

who will care i'm continue or not..

其实就算怎样写，

写的人不会知道，

看得人心里的感受，

看得人也只能想象，

想象写的人的感受，

好像很复杂酱，

其实我想说的是，

我不明白一切，

不明白为何我非写不可，

不明白为何我想忘记妳，

却一直一直还在想念妳。

Actually what i'm wrote,

i'm will never knew,

the feel of the person whose is reading,

and the person whose is reading,

just can only imaging the feel of writer,

look like very complicated,

actually what i'm trying to say,

i'm can't understanding all,

can't understand why i'm has to continue,

can't understand why i'm trying to forgot you,

but in the last i'm just keep miss you always always..

昨天睡得不好，

起来后身体又病了，

老人家常说，

心病不说出来，

就会熬成病来，

是这样的吗？

还是我因为放不下，

所以就由得自己，

让自己继续过着颓废的生活呢？

Last night has a bad sleep,

after wake up feel not very well,

the old man always said that,

when you are sick in heart and don't said it,

will made your body follow to sick,

is that true?

Or just because i'm can't put it down,

so that i'm let my self,

let my self live like a monster life?

Same miss the person should not to be..

Night 23:39,

Page 37,

by Kenny Yht..

夜.. Night..

想说就别写了，
越写反而越让自己烦恼，
更不知道写来为什么，
感觉很累很累，
却无法放下所有后休息。
Feel that don't write this blog anymore,
write more just made self feel more upset,
don't know why keep doing this,
felt tired very very much,
but just can't put down and take a rest..

不管告诉自己多少次，
每次起来或临睡前，
告诉自己别再想妳，
可是一次又一次的失败。
姐姐曾经告诉我，
不管多爱一个人，
别让她知道你多爱她，
因为当你真的很爱，
你就是注定失败那个。
Tell to self many times,
everytime wake up or before sleep,
told to self don't think her,
but fail everytimes..
Sister was telling me last time,
no matter how much you love her,
do not let her know how much you did,
because you was love her so much,
that means you already mark as the suffer one..

不让自己爱上妳，
原来比想象中难，
为何我要对妳非爱不可，
爱情真是复杂，
算了，
我没资格谈恋爱，
更别说爱上妳，
我..是想妳，
但也只能默默去想妳，
晚安了，
希望孤独的夜，
我能睡得着。
That is harder then my imagine,
don't let self love you,
why i'm must have the feel on you,
love really very complicated,
fine lehh,
i'm not qualifie to love,
summore not to love you,
i'm.. still miss you,
but only can miss you quietly,
Good nited,
hope the lonely night,
i'm can fall slp..

我的微笑，
只是装饰，
因为我还，
默默喜欢着妳。

Midnight 04:05,
Page 36,
by Kenny Yht..

不开心.. Sadness..

凌晨三点钟，
刚送了朋友回家，
就感觉非常的空虚，
朋友说我今天很幽默，
其实是我装的好，
隐藏的面具，
是我最后的防线，
没有了它，
背后就是寂寞与悲伤。
Midnight three o'clock,
just sent my friend to home,
suddenly feel very lonely,
friend said i'm very funny today,
actually is i'm hiding with good,
the mask of hiding,
is my last defend line,
without it,
behind of mask is lonely and sadness..

打算找朋友一起庆祝圣诞，
原来他们都有节目了，
不好意思去加入，
反正就自己过吧，
都过了那么多年，
不在乎多这一次吧。
Plan to find friend celebrate together when X'mas,
but they have their own show,
not feel good to join with suddenly,
just passed that day alone bah,
so many year,
no need to care add one more time bahh..

今天突然想起，
我以为告诉妳一切，
会有改变，
之后妳的回答，
让我觉得原来是我错了，
一直都是，
那时的感觉今天突然又经历，
还是一样觉得很疲累，
让我真的不敢去爱了。
以前一直幻想一个爱我的人，
会一直陪在我身边，
原来一切都只是幻想，
什么是爱呢？
爱是当甜蜜过去，
留下痛苦时，
才明白原来爱，
是痛苦的。
Something appear to mind suddenly,
that time i'm said thought tell you everything,
will have some change,
after that your answer,
let me knew that was my big mistake,
always is that,
that feel i'm felt again today,
it's still feel very tired after that feeling come,
made people dare not love anymore..
Last time always imaging that someone is love me,
always stay beside me,
actually imagination just is imagination and never be true,
what is love?
Love is after the sweet,
the moment only left pain behind,
that the time will notice actually love was,
very suffer..

不管我能写什么，
想什么，
都不能改变一切，
在所有人面前我已经不是我，
只有在这里，
我才能做回一个，
喜欢哭泣的小孩，
不管我装的多好，
只要妳用心去感觉，
就会发现其实我只是小孩，
不管如何装大人，
都只是一个伪装大人的小孩..
No matter what i'm wrote,
what i'm thinking,
that can't change anything,
infront people i'm no longer be self,
only in here,
i'm can be the one who i am,
the child like crying,
no matter how great i'm acting,
if you feel with heart,
you will notice actually i'm just a child,
no matter how success i'm pretend a adult,
just is the adult acting by a child..

是的想妳了，
心中的不开心，
没有人愿意听，
只好胡思乱想，
写一些有的没的，
让妳或不认识的人看，
这世界上有这么一位傻子，
在干着一些无聊的事情，
不但骚扰着人，
还自欺欺人的以为，
他是全世界最不开心的人。
Yea i'm miss you,
all the bad feel on heart,
no one wish to listening,
only can think wrong by brain,
wrote something good or bad,
let you and the world see it,
this world still left one idiot behind,
doing something really no meaning,
not only disturbing some one,
some more trying lie to self,
he the only one unhappy in the world..

Unhappy but can't tell people,
keep that until the heart broke,
what is the feel of heart without jumping?
That will a second you can't breath,
Good Nited and sweet dream..
To you..
Take care..

Midnight 04:11,
Page 35,
by Kenny Yht..

阴暗面.. The dark side..

今天不知怎么了，
感觉不是很好，
一直在想，
我们现在算什么？
Don't know what wrong of today,
feel not very well,
keep thinking that,
what situation we're now..?

说是朋友的关系，
又不太算是，
平常如果表白失败，
女的会避开男的，
但为何我却想避开妳，
而妳却想我放开，
从新当回朋友呢？
Said that is friendship,
but we not really like fren did now,
normally if boi tell gal the feeling but failed,
gal is the one whose avoid the boi,
why now i'm the one whose wanna avoid you,
and you wan't me to let go,
be friend with fresh?

算是妳想帮我，
但是我却怕面对妳，
所以就不敢找妳，
是这样的吗？
回到家，
都会莫名看下电话，
希望有妳给的信息，
却每次都不会出现，
不可能出现的，
知道这却想骗自己，
真是无可救药的傻子。
Is that you try to help me,
but i'm afraid to face on you,
so dare not to find you,
is that our situation?
Everyday after work,
will check the phone,
hope can saw you send me something,
but dissapointed every days,
that is impossible happen,
even knew that but still try lie to self,
really is a fool with hopeless..

The moon of today was big and beautiful,
even if the moon show it prefect side,
behind the moon was still darkness and lonely..
No matter how i'm smile infront of everyones,
even if i'm show my prefect status to people,
but behind of my is same as the moon..
Darkness and lonely,
just because i'm hiding well,
that why no one can see..
Today..? Same miss you,
i'm sorry,
take care yourself..
Nited and sweet dream, dumb2..

Trying to stop the blog,
who care,
no one will care about someone,
they never see his truely side,
if you read and know my feel,
please know that,
like you is my business,
i'm never beg or hope that,
you will feel on me anymore,
even if i'm feel lonely,
i'm will and has to biasa,
i'm choose this for my future..
Dumb and foolish RascaL..

Midnight 00:20,
Page 34,
by Kenny Yht..

傻子的脑.. Brain of Fool..

很多时候，
我都会想些有的没的，
可能我天生爱幻想吧，
总是胡思乱想的，
导致自己都过得不好。
Lot of the time,
i'm will thinking many much,
maybe that my brain is love do that,
always think this think that,
made self live till so unhappy..

不知道是第几次，
每次梦到妳，
都告诉自己说，
不能有下次了，
别再乱想了，
可是总会有下次，
是我的脑还有妳，
还是我根本不想忘记妳？
我不知道，
真的真的不知道。
Don't know this is how many times,
every times dream of you,
i'm will telling self that,
don't think so much,
but the always have the second dreams,
is my brain still got the shadow of your,
or i'm actually don't hope to forgot you?
I'm don't know,
really really don't know that..

有时会埋怨自己，
为什么还要写部落格？
为什么还不能忘记这种感觉？
为什么明知道没结果，
却不肯放开？
为什么让自己活得那么痛，
是我傻吗？
为什么我就不能像其他人，
过去就由得它过去？
为什么我总会执着于过去，
总不能放开过去？
让自己往前走，
为什么我都做不到这些？
Sometimes really hated self,
Why still wan't write blog?
Why still can't forgot the feel?
Why knew that no result of us,
still don't let it go,
Why let self live till so suffer,
is i'm the stupid people?
Why i'm just can't like other people,
let the past go when it's gone?
Why i'm always look back,
can't just let it go?
Let self move forward,
simple like that but why i'm can't done it?

Fool like me even knew tired,
but still don't let self rest,
keep do that,
maybe one day i'm will fall,
but i'm really..
Really still miss you like all the time,
really don't know how to comment self,
Nothing can help people like me bahh..
Sigh..
Good Nited and sweet dream leh,
Dumb2..

Midnight 02:00,
Page 33,
by Kenny Yht..

傻子的心.. Heart of Fool..

想说就算了吧，
感觉很疲累，
有话想对妳说，
却又不知怎么说，
我这人真是的。
Feel just give up bahh,
heart felt very tired already,
many wan't telling you,
but don't know how to say it,
i'm really is fool..

知道妳说妳在乎，
但是我又能怎样，
不管我写多少篇，
都不能改变任何事，
一直在骗自己，
说妳会看的，
让妳知道我今天心情，
其实这样做，
根本毫无意义，
明明知道这一切，
却无法让自己停下来。
Know that you said you're care,
even like that what i can do,
no matter how many blog i'm wrote,
can't change anything,
keep lying self that,
lie to self you will read,
let you know the feel of daily,
actually what i'm doing now,
is very pointless,
even if i'm knew that is helpless,
but i'm can't control self to stop it..

每天都告诉自己别想了，
不要再写这一切了，
但是却控制不了自己，
心情不好时想让妳知道，
开心时想与妳分享，
我这人是个傻子吧，
明明知道不管怎样做，
都不能让一个不喜欢自己的人，
去开始喜欢自己，
却不想就此放弃，
真是世纪大笨蛋。
Everyday remind self don't think anymore,
stop writing all about it,
but still lost control to self,
when bad mood hope you can know,
when happy hope sharing with you,
i'm is the fool of the foolish bahh,
know that no matter what i'm do,
can't made someone din't feel on me,
to feel on me,
even knew that but still don't wan't to let go,
really the foolish person of century..

Listening music,
rely on bed,
typing the blog on pad,
feel terrible and upset,
Good nited dumb2,
and sweet dream..
Please forgive me about,
i'm never care your feel,
for all the day passed,
Miss you and sorry..

Midnight 00:35,
Page 32,
by Kenny Yht..

纳闷.. Emo-ing..

纳闷死了，
跑了一整天，
却买不到想买的，
憋了整肚子气，
好想找人咬 >.<
Emo until wanna die liao,
run whole day,
but can't buy the thing i'm wan't to,
feel very very emo,
wan't find people to bite >.<

想对妳说完我的懊恼，
为什么那么难找，
超级衰的，
不但申请不到Unifi，
现在连金色的苹果5s都没货，
不管了，
我就等啦，
等到终于有货咯~
Wan't to tell you all my emo,
why so hard to get one,
super super suay,
can't apply Unifi,
even now the iP5s gold also out of store,
arh i don't care,
i'm wait that,
wait until they re-store~

不知道妳看不看多啦A梦，
妳住的附近，
ViVa Home那里有展览，
如果喜欢就去看看吧，
只是想告诉下妳，
如果妳有在看，
好了，
烦死了，
去角落画圈圈，
孤独的发闷气 T_T
Don't know you like the Doaremon or not,
the place you living now,
ViVa Home there got a event,
if you like it go take a look,
just wan't let you know,
if you're reading this blog,
okay lahh,
quite emo,
go corner draw circle,
angry alone T_T

Afternoon 13:35,
Page 31,
by Kenny Yht..

停止吗？ Shall me stop?

怎么说呢，
问朋友说，
如果我继续写一些，
关于想妳，
忘不了妳的事情，
会不会对妳来说是困扰，
朋友建议我该停就停吧，
毕竟这样做毫无意义。
How to say that,
asked friend,
what if i'm keep write something,
about miss you,
about can't forgot you,
will that bring you disturbing or not,
friend suggest me shall stop if can,
because that is no point i'm keep doing this..

我在这写的一切，
已经是唯一的地方，
让我能告诉妳我的感受，
如果我放弃这里了，
那我们真的断绝一切了，
我真的不舍得这样做，
不管妳觉得我自私，
或者不理妳感受，
我真的不愿意，
断绝我们之间，
成为真正的陌生人。
What i'm write in here,
is the only place,
to let you know what i'm thinking,
if i'm give up here,
that means we're break all of the thing we have,
i'm really not hope to do that,
no matter you think i'm selfish,
or din't care you feel at all,
i'm really not wish to,
break all of that,
let us become a real stranger..

你觉得我们，
是可以成为好朋友，
但是我想对妳坦白，
从游戏时我就觉得，
妳很特别，
让我有种特别的感觉，
当然我不能怎样，
因为当时我的身份。
我不知道该怎么办，
你觉得我该停止了吗？
不该再对妳说我的感觉，
不该告诉妳我活的好不好，
不该让你知道我心中还想妳，
是这样的吗？
就如我朋友说的，
这样做伤害了妳，
也没有意义继续下去。
You think we could,
be a best friend,
but i'm need honest to you,
starting from game times,
i'm already feel weird on you,
you're very special,
that my feel on that time,
of course i'm can't do anything,
because of my status..
i'm don't know what to do,
you think i'm should stop this?
No more tell you my feel,
no more tell you my life,
no more tell you how much i'm miss you,
end like that is better?
Just like what my friend told,
doing this hurt you,
and no point to continue..

听着一首名为 ‘寂静之声’，
是当初美国总统被刺身亡，
一个歌手所创作的歌曲，
爱上寂静的黑暗，
回忆着我们的一切，
友情变质，
让大家都痛苦，
对不起，
我没对妳做出好的一切，
对不起，
我还是在想妳，
对不起，
还是想对妳说声晚安。
Listening a song named "Sound of Silence",
created by a singer,
when the United State president has been assassination,
love the silence of darkness,
recall our memories,
when the friendship start changing,
made everyone to suffer,
I'm Sorry,
i'm din't do what i'm promise,
I'm Sorry,
i'm still miss you like all the time,
I'm Sorry,
i'm still wish to tell you "Good Nited"..

Hello, Darkness my old friend,
I've come to talk with you again..
- Sound of Silence..

Sigh, if someone like me,
is count on the person abnormal..

Midnight 03:18,
Page 30,
by Kenny Yht..

想疯了.. Lost my mind..

有时候想说，
算了吧，
明知道很累，
却不愿意放弃，
真的非常愚蠢，
是否忘记一个人，
完全是不可能的事？
Sometimes really think that,
let it bahh,
knew that will made me very tired,
but still don't wanna let it go,
really very very fool,
is it wanna to forget someone,
it's impossible?

心中感觉不开心，
却不知道告诉谁才好，
当初以为告诉了人，
别人会明白，
却发现，
原来别人不会明白，
因为不能明白自己心中的感觉，
到底怎么办才好了？
不是没有分散自己的注意力，
试过以电影去忘记妳，
试过以游戏来忘记妳，
试过完全不让自己想妳，
但是原来都没有用，
越这样做，
反而让自己更加烦恼，
是的我很想念妳。
Feel very unhappy,
don't know who to tell,
i'm thought after told people,
people will understand,
but actually,
people can't understanding,
because no one will know the feel of my,
what suppose to do is the better?
Not din't do anything to keep self forgot you,
tried forgot you with watching movie,
tried forgot you with playing game,
tried not allow self to miss you anymore,
but all of that is useless,
keep force self do that,
just made self feel more worst,
yea i'm quite miss you..

好想大声对妳说，
我很不开心，
我很烦恼，
我超想妳，
可是又能怎样，
我好想大哭一顿，
然后从此忘记一切，
当一个没爱情没感觉的人。
寻寻觅觅，
找到一个爱的人，
却是一个不能爱的人，
真是命运弄人。
Really hope to tell you with loud,
"Yea i'm very unhappy!"
"Yea i'm very upset!"
"Yea i'm miss you very very!"
But what can do if done that,
really hope to crying thorough,
after that forget everything about,
be a human without love and feel..
Keep finding whole life,
found someone i'm love,
but that is the one i'm cant love to,
fate is joke..

如果能哭后立刻能好，
那就不会有伤痛了，
思念一个人，
痛苦万分，
知道自己是个傻子，
就做个彻底的傻子吧，
默默的去爱一个不爱自己的人，
就算妳知道也好，
不知道也罢，
我不是不想再爱，
是我不能再爱了，
因为我爱过了，
晚安了。
If can cure after cried,
that will no longer have the feel of pain,
miss someone,
will suffer x1000,
i'm knew that i'm a fool,
let me do a fool completely,
love someone can't love to,
it's no much different,
even if you knew that or you don't,
i'm not don't wanna to love other else,
is i'm can't love anymore,
because i'm found my love already,
Good Nited..

Let the fool fallen,
because he wan't to..

Midnight 00:45,
Page 29,
by Kenny Yht..