遇见.. Foregather..

人们常说，
在对的时间，
遇见对的人，
就是爱情。
错的时间，
遇见错的人，
就是自作多情。
我曾经以为把感觉，
完全转移去别人身上，
就能彻底忘记对妳的思念。
原来把感情压抑，
是自欺欺人的做法，
对妳的思念，
让我觉得很迷茫。
这几天一直坚持着，
不放弃去找人代替妳，
却被拒绝得心灰意冷，
感觉不开心是否能找妳谈，
还是应该说敢找妳谈吗？
如果说找人代替妳是错的，
难道我必须一直伤害大家，
才是唯一的办法吗？
该遇到总会遇到，
命中注定就是命中注定，
不必勉强自己做自己不开心做的。
这样想，
对吗？
People always said that,
meet the right one,
in the right time,
that is love..
meet the wrong one,
in the wrong time,
that is suffer..
Used i'm thought transfer the feeling to other,
is the only way and the better way,
to forget what i'm feel on you..
Although i'm tried to hide my feeling,
but there is only lie to people and lie to self,
what i'm feel on you,
is only will made me feel lost..
keep insist on find some one replace you,
but so many days,
get rejected just made me feel more unhappy,
feel down can find you to talk,
or do i dare find you to talk?
If find some one to replace you is wrong,
is that mean must hurt us each other continue like this,
is the only way?
If i'm must meet you like this,
that is because my fate wan't me to face that,
if there is my fate then i'm will and try to accept it..
Should be ok,
if i'm thinking like that?

Hey, if you read this means you're ok.. I'm dream you again without reason, in the dream you're quite bad feeling again.. I'm worry that will happen in reality, but i'm same dare not drop you message, if anything happen please be tough, we can always stay beside each other, that what you telling me.. If what happen in the dream is absolutly reverse with reality, then you will be happiness and sweet, i'm hope that is actually and already happen.. Take care dumb2, drink much water of the badness weather..

Midnight 00:44,
Page 95,
By Yht.. 

寂寞.. Always alone..

一直主动取悦别人，
但后来反而被冷落。
这就是被拒绝的情形吗？
不管我多么想，
当单方面的去想，
最后被伤害的，
还都只是自己罢了。
一直想说，
不如再试一次吧，
但是却一直失败，
我是一个人类，
失败久了我还是会感到疲累。
想像以前那样，
不开心就找妳聊天，
要妳借个肩膀来靠下，
可是却回不去以前。
身体累了就好好休息，
如果我的心累了呢？
Keep be active to find someone,
but someone is no care..
Is it normal after get rejected?
No matter how much i'm hoping,
there is only exchange dissapointed,
feel hurting,
is the only feel for my self..
Keep telling self,
try last for this,
but same failed in the end,
i'm a human fresh,
will feel tired much also if get reject much..
Hope can like last time,
when i'm feel down can find you chatting,
ask you borrow me your shoulder to rely,
but that is the past..
If can rest when body is feel tired,
what if my heart is tired too?

Morning 08:08,
Page 94,
By Yht..

时光机.. Time Machine..

喜欢漫画的我，
总会幻想有时光机，
这样就可以随时回到过去，
不管开心还是不开心，
都能由自己改变。
但是幻想总归幻想，
不会发生。
听过一句话，
遇见七个自己，
一个软弱，
一个强悍，
一个悲愁，
一个积极，
一个伤痛，
一个快乐，
最后一个还在成长。
过去了不需要改变，
因为它们都在成就现在的我，
如果硬要时光倒流，
一切都不再变得珍贵了。
谢谢让我明白这道理。
夜了，
该睡了。
Those people like anime as me,
sure will imaging what if we have a time machines,
if got that we could back to past any moments,
no matter happiness or sadness,
all can change by our self..
But all of that just is an imagination,
never gonna happen in reality..
i'm read a meaning theory before,
meet the seven my self,
one weakness,
one stronger,
one negative,
one positive,
one happiness,
one sadness,
and the last one are still growing..
Past should not to change,
they made who i am right now,
if can change the past easily,
we never be treasure what we have right now..
Thank the person whose let me know this..
Midnight,
should sleep,
good night and sweet dream,
Someone..

Midnight 01:48,
Page 93,
By Yht..

病..? Sickness..?

人总在最脆弱时，
才想起他最想的人。
今天是糟糕的一天，
工作上很不开心，
身体也出毛病，
连心情也非常低落。
头痛，
胃痛，
甚至于工作弄伤，
好像要把我搞死才开心。
睡不好，
也吃不好，
在自己最不开心最失落时，
以为会有人在乎与紧张，
原来最在乎的是我自己。
生病了，
一直期待妳的问候，
但也只是我在发梦罢了。
有时候想告诉妳，
我身体越来越差了，
我好害怕喔。
算了吧，
有些事不管妳事，
知道只会带给妳困扰。
听着歌，
闭着眼，
想着妳，
对不起。
Human will think the person they most care,
when they are on weakness situation..
Last day is a horrible day,
feel unhappy for my job,
and sickness is come into me together,
made my mood become very down very down..
Headache,
gastric,
and injured when working,
look like wanna play me until i'm kiss the floor..
Can't sleep well,
and can't eat well again,
i'm thought there will have people care,
when i'm sick and down,
actually i'm the only one caring my self..
After feel sick,
i'm dreaming that you will asking,
but dreaming is totally different with reality..
There is always lying,
what i'm trying to hiding,
is meanless and pointless..
Whatever,
something you should not know,
and alwaya just is a disturb only..
Closing eye,
listen music,
miss you,
i'm sorry..

Midnight and i'm can't sleep again, feel anger to my self, why so weak why can't change and grow up.. What i'm doing always like a kid, sigh..

Midnight 00:40,
Page 92,
By Yht..

不敢.. Dare not..

人家说，
如果决定了改变，
就千万别怯，
因为一怯，
就什么都改变不了。
一直觉得好孤单，
感觉没有人喜欢，
却不知道自己问题出在哪里。
其实我不是不想找妳谈，
我只是怕妳嫌我烦，
过去妳都知道我是怎样的人，
你也说过我不接受答案，
所以我怎么还敢找妳烦妳。
我朋友说，
当男人，
就得要有男子气慨，
别老是想着让人喜欢，
喜欢不喜欢是由得人，
不是由得自己。
一直很想成为一个男人，
最缺乏的是责任感吧，
每次工作都不了了之，
我真的好想搞好公司，
如果自己不负责任，
公司也不会踏上成功之路。
也许等到我真的改变与成长，
才能真正的当妳朋友。
People said,
if you decide to change,
dont be afraid,
because if you did afraid,
you will never change anything..
Always felt lonely,
feel there is no one like me,
actually is there got problem of me and i'm don't know it..
I'm did know you are around and hope to find you talking,
just i'm dare not to find you and wondering you will feel annoying,
used you know what people i am,
you also know that i'm will never accept the answer not i'm wan't,
how could i'm still dare to find you if i'm feel that again..
My friend told me that,
if wan't be a man,
I need to thinking like a man,
can't always feel lonely and no one is like or care,
like me or not is decide by people,
not by my self..
Really hope i'm can be a man,
what i'm need is responsibility,
everytimes din't take responsible for my work,
even if i'm hope to made the company success,
but if i'm still always don't learn what is responsible,
i'm will never will let the company success..
Maybe you has to wait until i'm changed and grow up,
only i will able to talk with you again..

Drunk last night and feel headache morning, tell someone i'm feel not very well but people din't say anything.. What i'm act like a kid.. That the most reason i'm need to changing, i'm can't always thinking like a child, sigh.. God, please give me the strength to change..

Midnight 00:31,
Page 91,
By Yht..

不能.. Cannot..

我有时候想，
会不会是我想得太多，
算吧，
如果其他人真的能代替妳，
我就不会藏着感情那么久。
很累，
感觉很疲累，
就像当时感觉那样，
如果可以真的希望就这样，
躺在草地上，
什么都不去想，
什么都别在乎。
对妳的感觉还是存在,
既然忘不了，
为什么不就这样由得它，
反正我越想心就越痛。
好想找人谈谈我的心，
却不知如何去开口说，
还是算吧，
没有人会在乎。
只有自己，
才是最关心自己的那个。
Some times i'm was thinking,
is that really i'm did think too much,
what ever,
if there really have people can replace you,
i'm won't hide the feeling so many years..
Tired,
really feel tired come from my heart,
just like what i'm feeling that times,
if can just let go all happen and go away,
i'm wish i could sleep on grass,
do nothing,
and think nothing..
The feeling towards you are still there,
if that feeling is can't be forget,
why don't just let it continue without hiding,
i'm already nothing can lost beside heart still feel pain..
Really hope someone is really know me and talk about my heart,
but there is no one will do,
so just let it,
no one will care..
Only me self,
is the only one will caring my self..

Whatever, i'm already do what i'm trying to cheer up my self, do nothing and let the harder time gone, if there really some one care me, she will did to tell me, hey, you this dumb, just maybe she still finding the map come into me.. So.. there is nothing much i can do right now =')

Night 23:34,
Page 90,
By Yht..

可以…陪我吗? Can you..accompany me?

忍住了泪水那么久，
在眼眶里徘徊，
终于落下了。
我以为我找到人代替妳，
很开心不用伤害妳，
因为我对她拥有对妳那种感觉，
但是却是一场梦境。
她只是一种错觉，
从头到尾我都自作多情，
别人对我根本就普通朋友。
好想打给妳说，
我想她了喔，
就像我当初想妳般。
是因为我把她当成是妳吗？
是因为我的人本身有问题吗？
为什么，
我选择都是错的？
难道一个在乎我，
也希望我在乎她的女生不存在吗？
男生再怎么能撑，
在失去自己爱的人鼓励，
他实在很难撑下去，
我想告诉妳，
我倒了，
可以陪我说话吗？
我…
很不开心也失去活下去的力量。
Hey =)
I'm need someone to talk..
Could you accompany like last time we did?
The tears playing at my eye for a long times,
i'm feel happy finally found someone is have same feeling on you,
But all is wrong,
she just treat me as a normal friend,
hope can call you and said,
hey, i'm miss her..
Why will like this,
Just because i'm take her as you?
Or the problem is happen on me this people?
Why...
all my choose is wrong deeply..?
Is it there is not exist for a gal i'm care always,
and she care me too,
is it do not exist in this world?
No matter how tough of a man,
when he keep losing all the cheer up from his loving person,
he will already feel to give up,
i'm wanna let you know,
i'm very pain and fall,
i'm tired and lost my energy to survive..
Can..
I'm find you just for a talk?

=) smiling just for showing, whose will know actually my heart is bleeding.. I'm know this is harder time for me, but i'm lost my energy to fight.. Heh, i'm tired.. Man, is a harder job for me.. =')

Night 22:02,
Page 89,
By Yht..

失眠.. Can't sleep..

不知何时开始，
又失眠了。
很多事情，
只要不去想，
就不会发生与烦恼。
为了妳我曾经吃不下，
睡不着，
当我决定告诉妳，
结果使我更加痛苦。
今天我把一切转移，
还是会很痛苦。
不论情人什么的，
都只是自己在自作多情，
打从以前就没人喜欢自己。
完全失去爱一个人的自信，
连工作都无法集中精神，
我可以继续像以前般，
所思念所牵挂，
都只是妳吗？
我感觉到外面很累，
找爱自己的人真的很累。
Not sure since when,
i'm can't sleep again..
A lot of trouble,
never will happen,
if i'm din't think like that early..
Used i'm can't sleep well,
eat well just because of you,
and just feel more worst,
after i'm told you all my feel..
But cause me more suffer,
what i'm think i could transfer the feeling to other..
No matter how i'm doing,
no one is actually like me at all,
all of this just i'm the one whose thought ppl like me..
Totally lost all the confident,
can't even focus on my job,
can i'm just like what i'm did last time,
full of mind just because of you,
no matter i'm working or sleeping?
I'm felt tired at out here,
i'm really feel tired to searching someone like me from heart..

I'm lost, i'm don't know did i'm really fall into you, or i'm totally take the other people as you.. I'm confused dumb2.. I'm feel bad and tired, what i'm? Last time you can explain or scold me.. Why now we can't like that argue anymore..

Midnight 02:55,
Page 88,
By Yht..

有这必要? Should i like that?

因为在乎所以才问，
换来的竟是有必要说吗？
其实我如果不在乎，
我会等一整天后，
再主动找她吗？
好吧，
如果她表现说她不在乎，
我又怎样去在乎。
努力把自己做好，
那就对得起自己啦。
开始重新振作吧。
I'm ask because i'm care,
what the reply is should i'm explain?
If i'm din't care,
will i'm still finding her,
after i'm wait whole day?
All right,
she already tell me with action she don't care,
how i'm can care even if i'm try to..
All is can done is live with hapiness,
for that my heart can feel better..
Start all over again bah..

Morning 09:38,
Page 87,
By Yht..

It's really happen again..

For the last few month i'm living in my darkness world, when the day i'm trying to step up just is another nightmare happen.. Last time i'm was waiting your msg everydays, but now i'm waiting another person msg every minutes again.. 

The feeling is come back to me, i'm feel sad is because really is my problem there? Why everything i'm did is just like a kid for everyones? I'm was very confused what i am.. My head is very pain, can't sleep well..

I'm thought transfer all feeling to other from you, is the better way to forget, but it's totally wrong, because i'm lie to everyone even if i'm pretend i'm not care.. I'm need some support to cheer up, but there is no one will do.. How i'm expect someone is love me if i'm din't love my self before them..? Monday again, and i'm need be lonely fighter again.. Sigh..

夜深.. Midnight..

很久没半夜这样醒来，
我以为把对妳的感觉，
完全转移就会没事，
原来被别的人伤害，
比当时还要更不舒服，
因为没人会在乎我的感觉，
没有人会像妳般在乎。
我知道不能这样下去，
因为会伤害妳，
我会试着成长，
我会试着不为任何人而活。
妳过得好吗？
喝多点水啊，
最近天气和印尼那里，
注意健康，
别一直要人担心妳。
Long time din't get up in midnight,
i'm thought transfer the feeling to other,
is the better way to stand up,
actually get hurt by other,
feel more uncomfortable than that time,
Because no one will caring my feel,
no one will caring my feel like you did..
I'm knew that continue like this,
i will keep hurting you if still like now,
i will to try grow up again,
i will try live without living for anybody..
How do you do?
Drink many water yea,
weather bad and indonesia there,
you need take care your healthy,
don't let people keep worry about you..
Sorry for continue the miss you life,
Sigh,
you sei lord is useless in everything..

Midnight 05:11,
Page 86,
By Yht..

超不开心的.. Super Unhappy..

越在乎就越痛苦，
不知道什么人说的，
原本约了人出去喝茶，
却在最后一分钟被甩。
很不喜欢猜疑的感觉，
而女生却喜欢让人猜，
知道我的内心多痛吗？
说过宁愿被妳伤害，
也不愿被别人伤害，
好想从今天开始就藏起来，
把一切不开心写在这里。
不让任何人看，
只有在人后默默流泪。
真的很想对全世界说，
我是傻子，
别对我好，
我会爱上妳。
Care more will suffer more,
never know who said that,
suppose yam cha at outside now,
but get reject at last minute..
Very hate feeling of doubt,
but girls always let guy to guessing,
know how pain my heart?
I'm said that before,
if has been hurt by someone that i'm hope only by you,
really hope to hiding self from now,
and only write everything in every nights at here..
Don't let anyone to read,
and hide my self and crying behind the world..
Wanna shout to the world,
I'm just a fool,
Don't treat me good,
I'm will fall into you!

Sigh.. Why wan't promise me go out and give me a question without answer before you say don't wan't go.. You never know how pain i'm feel when you say No to me.. Love? Complicated and tired..
Happy Valentine's Day..

I'm should made for you 10years ago,
before everything too late..

Midnight 22:16,
Page 85,
By Yht..

压抑.. Hide the emo..

忘了从何时开始，
告诉自己别写了，
因为一个对妳很重要的日子到了。
越接近那天，
就越觉得很难挨了，
很难才过完昨夜。
喝醉了，
起来只会更想念妳，
过了这么多天，
知道妳不看了，
明白妳帮我决定不写。
希望我真的能停止，
也希望妳幸福和健康生活。
情人节快乐。
Forgot since when,
stop my self continue writing,
because a important day is near..
More close of this day,
feel more suffer,
very hard to pass last night..
After drunk,
only will miss you more after awake,
after so many days,
i'm knew that you never read anymore,
understand that you may help me made decision to stop writing,
really hope i'm could sucess,
and hope you will live with happiness and healthy..
Happy Valentines Day dumb2..

Midnight 20:47,
Page 84,
By Yht..

选择.. Choice..

刚认识一个朋友，
一个奇怪的朋友。
开始会有蛮多话题，
渐渐就变得奇怪了，
当没话题时，
越想找话题越尴尬。
刚开始我想说，
把她当成一个新开始，
如果能忘记妳更好，
相反的却让我更记得妳。
越接近那女生，
越感觉迷茫。
当时妳没回复我的感觉，
又慢慢发生在我身上。
那种等待妳的回复，
到最后发现原来妳没放上心，
那种疲累的感觉，
我想我不能也不想再承受。
如果要我选择被谁伤害，
我可以选择妳吗？
至少我在感觉被伤害后，
我知道妳还在在乎着我。
突然希望妳创进我梦境，
至少我知道妳从不害我。
Meet a new friend,
a weird friend like you..
Begin have many topics,
after that topics become less,
more "gam gai" is,
when out of topics and i'm still trying bring up new one..
Early that,
i'm try all of this as a new begining,
if could forget you is the better,
but all of this just made me remember much..
More close with her,
i'm feel more lost..
The feel of you no reply me when last gime,
it's slowly happen on me again..
That feel of waiting,
but actually is you din't put on heart,
the tired feeling,
i'm think i can't and don't wan't feel it again..
If can choose hurt by who,
can i just choose you?
At least when i'm feel pain,
i'm knew that you're still caring me..
Hope you step in my dream again,
at least i'm know you never wanna hurt me..

If you read this, please no misunderstanding i'm blame you no reply me again.. What i'm trying bring up is the feel if waiting people reply, not aim-ing you.. I'm apologize that if made you mad again.. I know you never mean to hurt anybody, there just me this selfish people feeling.. Okay, nited and sweet dream.. Sleep well..

Midnight 00:09,
Page 83,
By Yht..

算吧.. Let it bah..

很多时候想，
不如就这样算吧。
我不再写下去，
妳也别再在乎我。
这几天我真的很低落，
不知为何心里很沉闷，
对妳的思念，
让我觉得疲累不堪，
感觉自己快崩溃了。
一直寻找战斗的动力，
却发现自己还在迷失当中。
不止一次又一次的，
去阻止自己找妳，
虽然可以阻止成功，
但是真的很怕自己会失败。
以前妳会陪我聊天，
但知道我非常不开心时，
可是这一切都已经是过去了。
别说妳还会不会找我，
就连我还能不能和妳聊天，
都已经是一个疑问了。
我是个傻瓜，
不管命运还要玩弄我多久，
我只想说，
我想妳想得很疲累了，
就这样算吧好不好？
Thinking many times with that,
why don't just leave it like that..
No more blog for me,
and no more caring for you..
This few day feel very down without reason,
feel very upset and trouble in my heart,
miss you,
made me tired very,
and falling down anytimes..
Keep finding the force for fighting in my life,
at the end notice that i'm still lost in somewhere..
Trying to stop my self find you,
keep stoping and repeat,
although can still sucess right now,
but really afraid will lost control some days..
Last time you will find me to talk,
when you knew i'm very down,
but all of this just happen in past..
Beside the question about would you find me or not,
there still have a bigger trouble is,
will i'm able talk to you in this situation..
I'm just a fool,
no matter how long fate wan't to playing me again,
i'm just wan't to say,
i'm really tired of miss you day by day,
just leave all of this and no more caring okay?

Midnight 02:10,
Page 82,
By Yht..

人生无常.. Life..

今年工作上有点不顺，
但是还是相信自己熬的过去，
命运一直在挑战我的极限，
刚刚收到朋友妈妈中风的消息，
心情沉重无比。
前几天才说要去他家拜年，
现在就发生这种事。
人生不但充满无奈，
还一直不断考验我，
撑得有点辛苦，
考虑要不要告诉你。
有时真的自己撑得很辛苦，
憋到自己真的撑不下。
妳知道吗？
想告诉妳又不敢说，
真的有点不知所措。
Work have some trouble,
but i'm believe i can hang on,
the fate just like is still trying challage my limit,
just receive the news friend's mother has stroke,
feel very very down..
Still plan to "bai nian" at his house,
now happen like this..
Life full of suprise,
it's keep challage my limit,
i'm tahan till very suffer,
and thinking wanna tell you or not..
Sometimes i'm was very sanfu jor,
i'm tahan till over my limit..
Do you know?
The feel wanna tell you something but dare not,
really made me feel helpless..

Midnight 01:45,
Page 81,
By Yht..

在乎.. Care..

我是不是不能在乎一个人？
还是我太过于奇怪了呢？
有些人喜欢读了信息由得它，
而我却把它想成非常复杂，
到底对方在做么呢？
是不是我说错话呢？
还是根本不想回我？
我会一直想一直想，
也许过去我被这样欺骗过？
就算我告诉自己人家在忙，
可是心里就会不好过。
如何学习不去太过于在乎一个人？
在乎一个人是不好的吗？
还是说别表现出来？
曾经有个人说我，
不管她做什么都导致我乱想，
其实她没有错，
是我太过于在乎她的话，
而导致忽略她的感受。
夜深人静，
听着寂寞寂寞就好。
人生总会出现遗憾与感慨，
把它们収在心里就好了。
Is it i'm can't care someone?
Or i'm too weird than other human?
Someone like to let it after read,
but i'm always will complicated it,
what the people talking with me trying to do?
Or i'm said something wrong to her?
Or she never mean to reply me?
I'm will non-stop thinking about it,
maybe because i'm has been cheat by someone before?
Even if i'm trying to clam down and telling self maybe people are busy,
but my heart feel like got a stone stucking it..
How to learn don't care someone too much?
Or care someone is not a good for me?
Or i'm just don't show it up even if i'm care?
Someone saying me like that,
no matter what her did just will made me think much,
actually she not wrong at all,
just because i'm care what her saying too much,
so that why i'm din't care her feeling at all..
Silent night,
listening sadness music..
A life of human will pass a lot of sorry and misstake,
so we must to learn how to keep they into deeply of heart..

Midnight 01:52,
Page 80,
By Yht..

想妳想妳想妳.. Miss you Miss you Miss you..

好想妳，
怎么办？
你好吗？
今天在外婆家吃火锅，
现在的我有点醉，
但是又想妳，
讽刺吧？
So miss you,
what to do?
How are you?
Today steamboat at grandmom home,
i'm drunk right now,
but i'm miss you,
sarcasm huh?

Dumb2, you sei lord is very shyt man.. You know what you say on me is very true, i'm really don't know how to do.. I'm feel sorry to you because cause you very bad.. Spoil your mood every days.. Don't care your sei lord le, let me suffer alone please =(

Midnight 01:34,
Page 79,
by Yht..

有些事.. Something..

晚上去了一个地方，
一个让我记忆犹新的地方，
记得当初她离开了我，
我就在那里用工作麻木自己，
吃不下忘不了。
今天旧地从游，
没有了当初的悲伤，
却不知为何想起妳，
原来一个充满浪漫的地方，
真的会让人希望被爱的感觉。
不知为何会那么想妳，
可能就因为我以为自己放下了，
其实是自己一直隐瞒自己吧。
想妳的夜空，
原来是可以那么黯淡。
Went a place tonight,
a place that save my memories there before,
remember that when her leave me,
i'm try to forgot her with working at there,
can't eat and can't forget at all..
Tonight i'm come again this place,
sadness of that time is gone,
but miss you with reasonless,
look like a place fully romantic feel,
will let people feel to love with easily..
Don't know why i'm will still miss you,
maybe i'm just lie to self i'm already put down,
actually i'm not really put down everything..
The night of miss you,
is darkness very..

Midnight 00:02,
Page 78,
by Yht..

电影.. Movie..

每年过新年，
我都很喜欢去看电影，
特别是关于亲情的，
不知从何时开始，
我觉得家人比自己重要。
昨天和朋友去看了“一路有你”，
非常不错的电影，
尤其在一家人发请柬时，
女儿在车窗画画，
那一幕真的很美很有感觉。
喜欢画画和风景的我，
似乎找回唯美的感觉。
自由在天空飞翔的鸟儿，
迟早会回到自由的天空，
我知道我会 =)
Every CNY,
i'm will enjoyable watch every movie,
especially talk about family,
not sure since when,
i'm feel that family is important than my self,
watched "The Journey" with friend last night,
is a very pretty and great movie,
most beautiful part is,
the daughter drawing at mirror of car,
when they're moving to send invatation of wedding,
that part really very beautifull and touch..
Love natural and drawing,
look like i'm found what i'm lost after school life..
If fate let bird flying in the sky with freedom,
then it will be going back to sky even if fall deep,
i'm believe i can find my wings and my sky =)

Morning 11:21,
Page 77,
by Yht..

回忆.. Memories..

今天做了几年前的希望，

每次经过都会看几眼，

那是什么呢？

那就是去动物园，

虽然回来后累垮了，

可以勾起我以前很多的回忆。

爸爸妈妈，

姐姐姐夫，

阿姨表弟，

还有最最顽皮的侄子。

帮我朋友拍一些动物的照片，
虽然最后很累，
但是非常值得，
因为在我的快乐回忆录里，
又多了一段美好的回忆。
妳回来了吗？
天气有点热，
喝多点水知道吗？
想妳了，
对不起。
Today complete my wish of year,
what that,
will made my look for few time everytimes pass by?
That the Zoo,
although i'm feel very tired after that,
but remind a lot my happiness memories of my mind..
Papa and Mama,
Sister and Brother in law,
Auntie and Cousin,
of course the most naughty newphew..
Help my friend take a lot animals photo,
althought very tired,
but really worth for it,
because in my part of happy memories,
are increase one more happiness memories again..
Do you come back?
Weather very hot,
drink more water okay?
I'm miss you,
I'm sorry..

Night 22:14,
Page 76,
by Yht..

爱情.. Love..

爱情是一种很奇怪的感觉，
它既不存在实体，
但是却能影响一个人的行为。
爱情不但存在于少年与青年中，
不管任何年纪都在被爱情折磨，
直到勇敢舍弃爱情，
才算真正的解脱。
原本与过新年不是开开心心吗？
为了什么大家都活得很痛苦呢？
总感觉今天的气氛非常不好，
欢笑不在家中围绕着，
好像远离我们家般似的。
虽然我明白到很多道理，
但是自己却控制不了不去想妳。
在喝下红酒的那刻开始，
我就知道自己在想着妳，
只是我在企图欺骗自己。
夜深的黑夜，
特别想妳，
知道妳不会这样，
所以不想怎样去忘记。
Love is a very special feeling,
it's not a object,
but still can effect all action of a people..
Love not only happen on youth,
it's happen on any age and any times,
can only escape when the people really put down love..
Chinese New Year should be happy for a chinese right?
Why every one living with very suffer of that?
Keep feel something is very wrong of today,
the smile already go away from house,
it's look like go far away from my house..
Although i'm understand many answer,
but i'm still fail to control my self miss you..
When the moment i'm drink the wine,
i'm knew it i'm actually lying my self,
or i'm just trying to lie to my self..
The night of darkness,
will miss you very much,
knew you never will be like this,
so i'm not really wan't to forgot about it..

Midnight 02:00,
Page 75,
by Yht..

新年快乐.. Happy Chinese New Year..

虽然想了很久，
最后还是发了信息给妳。
不知道妳会不会回复，
但是只要祝福了就好了。
希望马年妳会开开心心，
那我就只会开心，
在外婆家赌博，
假装我是开心的，
其实我是想妳的。
新年快乐，
恭喜发财，
红包拿来=）
Although wonder so much,
at last still send you wishing,
don't know will you reply,
but wish you then ok le mah..
Hope horse year you will be happy very,
i'm enought for that,
gambling at grandmom there,
but i'm pretend i'm happy,
actually i'm miss you de..
Happy Chinese New Year,
Gong Xi Fa Cai,
Angpau give lai =)

Midnight 00:30,
Page 74,
by Yht..

妳好吗? How are you?

年30晚了，
不知道妳家有吃饭吗？
回家了吗？
明天就是红包日，
每年妳都跟我讨，
虽然每次都逗妳，
可是如果妳要，
我都会给妳的吧。
可是妳都不会要吧，
妳知道妳的人咯，
要我逼妳才会收吧=）
夜了，
妳睡了吗？
回家了吗？
过年了，
希望妳今年过得开开心心=）
Today is last day lorh,
don't know you home got dinner or not leh,
go home already?
Tomorrow is angpau day lo,
every years you pun wan't me give,
Althought i'm said will give,
you pun won't wan't it,
even if i'm wan't to give..
But you always no wan't it,
you know what people you are de lo,
need me force very hard baru can=)
Midnight leh,
you slept?
You home?
Chinese New Year leh,
hope you can have a happy life of this year..

Midnight 00:32,
Page 73,
by Yht..

人性.. Humanity..

今年可能也是多事之秋，
当我以为今年会好转时，
突然发生那么多事让自己措手不及。
姐夫和他股东闹翻了，
因为没注册成为有限公司，
所以没办法做什么。
姐姐刚生了小妹妹，
却发生这种事，
看来我真的不能再任性了。
如果我还逃避的话，
将来我就没资格说爱这个家。
人竟然会变成那样，
说拆股就拆股，
朋友不是在困难时互相帮助吗？
为什么会那样，
人性不该善良吗？
This year maybe is trouble year,
when thought there is everything will be fine,
but will happening so much out of control..
Bro in law get break up with his company partner,
due on din't register to Sdn. Bhd.,
there is nothing can argue..
Happen this big,
when my sister is born the second baby,
i'm already can't hidding anymore..
If i'm keep run from responsibility,
i'm not qualify to say i'm love my family..
How can human can did this,
say break then break,
friend not should be help each other when in trouble?
Why become like that,
humanity not be kind-hearted?

Sigh, sorry to tell you this, since i'm need handle company bad situation, now i'm heard that news and i'm worry about my sister.. I'm need some fresh air.. Sorry to complain again to you.. Good nited and sweet dream, dumb2..

Midnight 00:10,
Page 72,
by Yht..

错事.. Mistake..

当一个人做错了，
往往会想说如果，
我是一个人，
所以我常常这样想，
但是我明白到，
一直想如果，
是不能改变什么。
我想过当天如果我不冤枉妳，
我们现在可能就有说有笑。
但是发生了就发生了，
如果改变不了当初，
就创造不一样的结局吧。
把那件事当成一种经历，
下次别再犯就好啦。
就来接近过年了，
妳回家时小心点，
知道吗？
祝妳有个快乐的旅途。
晚安了笨蛋 =)
When someone made a mistake,
they always will said what if,
i'm a human fresh,
so do i'm always think like that,
until i'm understand,
keep think what if,
is can't change anything..
I'm think before about what if that day din't fitnah you,
maybe we are can chit chat like last time..
Buthappening is the fact,
if can't change the result,
then should create another ending..
Take it as a serious experience,
don't screw up next time mah ok lorh..
CNY is nearly,
becarefull when you home,
okay?
Wish you have a safety and happy home journey..
Good nited yea dumb2 =)

Midnight 01:29,
Page 71,
by Yht..

妳和我.. You and I..

我经常想说，
妳和我的关系，
是不是人常说的，
深于友情，
却不是爱情的那种关系。
到底要怎样，
才能放下对妳的着迷？
快要过年了，
想告诉妳的是，
每年我都期待妳的祝福语。
对不起我还在思念妳。
I'm always think about it,
the kaitan between you and i,
is it like what people said,
deep then friendship,
but no love line..
What suppose to do,
to forgot the feeling fall on you?
Almost Chinese New Year,
wan't to tell you is,
every years i'm was waiting your wishing..
I'm sorry still miss you..

I'm know you can't wish because of grandpa, just remember that what your grandpa left to the world is, you memories and care.. Happy Chinese New Year and angpau lai =)

Night 23:52,
Page 70,
by Yht..

怎么啦？ What wrong with me?

很奇怪，
当以为自己不想妳时，
就会某一日突然想起，
感觉心里有些事，
却又不知道什么事。
工作期间，
内心却思念着妳，
真的想知道妳是否会这样。
我到底怎么了？
一直沉迷在虚幻里，
现实妳已经表明了，
他是妳的最爱，
我不可以也不能介入，
可是，
可是我就是放不下。
嗨。
Weird,
when i'm though not miss you,
that feel will come suddenly,
feel something is happen,
but there is don't know what going on..
Working, 
but there heart is miss you,
wish to know will you have this or not..
What happen to me?
Keep living in illusion,
in reality you already make clear,
he is the right one,
i'm can't and unavailable to destroy it..
But,
but i'm can't just put it down..
Sigh..

Unknown time,
Page 69,
by Yht..

夜深人静.. Silence of Midnight..

以为能一觉到天亮，
最后还是半夜惊醒。
很多时候，
总把烦恼扛上身。
醒来后却无法睡得着，
心中无数的感慨，
好想找个人申诉，
却发现没有能倾诉的人。
也是这个时候，
多么想告诉妳，
我很想念妳。
妳睡得好吗？
我可否出现在妳梦中？
我…
除了想妳，
就只能想妳。
晚安了，
笨蛋。
Though can sleep until morning,
but still woke up in midnight..
Lot of time,
i'm always carry up the trouble to self..
Can't sleep after woke up,
feeling very complicated,
try to find someone to chat,
but notice there is actually no one around there..
Same timing,
hope to tell you,
how much i'm miss you right now..
Do you sleep well?
Did i'm appear in your dream before?
I'm
except miss you,
there is nothing much i'm can do..
Good nited,
dumb2..

Midnight 02:29,
Page 68,
by Yht..

Sigh.. Just a dream..

I know i know, should not start writing again.. I'm terrible, how could dream that, i'm dream you again, dream that finally i'm can hold your hand, intro you to all my friend, to all my family..

What i'm dreaming just is dream, i'm know never will happen in reality.. Sigh, why i'm can't just step out of the dream.. 

Only can keep tell self it's just a dream.. That is never gonna happen even if i'm keep dreaming.. Luckily this is happiness dream not you crying dream again.. I'm sorry to miss you again.. Good morning and hope you have a great day, dumb2..

阻止.. Stopping..

写与不写，
其实挣扎了几天，
很想写时，
拼命的压抑自己。
没想到的是，
我越压抑，
却越容易失落。
我知道妳看过那份给妳爷爷的信，
也知道妳知道其实是写给妳看，
信里我答应不再说离开，
所以这几天我真的沉思不已，
因为我答应不丢下妳，
而丢下妳我才能忘记对妳的感觉，
真的非常矛盾。
如果妳问我说，
我要怎样？
我还是会回答妳，
我不想丢下妳，
虽然我明白会带给妳困扰。
嗨，
对不起嗯笨蛋。
妳就原谅我那么自私的，
伤害着妳的混蛋。
Continue or stop,
fight in my heart for few days,
feel to continue writing,
but still keep stop self to start the pen..
What i'm din't expert that is,
more harder i'm stoping my self to write,
more down i'm will feel..
I'm know you read that letter i'm write to your grandpa,
also know that you actually knew i'm write to you,
in the letter i'm promise never leave again,
so i'm step confused on my mind,
because of i'm promise never leave you anymore,
but if i'm wan't forgot that feel i'm has to,
really very contradiction..
If you're asking me,
what i'm wan't to do?
I'm still same to answer you,
i'm don't wan't leave you behind anymore,
even if i'm understand that is a disturb to you..
Sigh,
i'm sorry dumb2..
Hope you will understanding and forgive,
this idiot brainless keep hurting you punye rascal..

Midnight 00:00,
Page 67,
by Yht..

一种感觉.. A Feel..

天朗气清，
新的星期新的开始，
昨晚睡得很好，
没有梦见妳，
没有特别思念妳，
所以睡眠很好。
当打开眼睛那刻，
已经注定今天是失败。
因为打开眼睛后，
一种莫名的感觉侵入我的脑中，
我无法形容那感觉，
就像在我打开眼那刻，
妳也在打开眼睛。
很可笑吧，
我想我可能得了妄想症。
“遇见妳是我的命运，”
“做朋友是我的选择，”
“爱上妳却不由得我控制。”
昨天看到这句话，
感觉命运还是弄人。
真的想过不写了，
再写下去只会导致妳更受伤，
爱妳就应该停止伤害妳，
是否妳也觉得我该停呢？
男人比女人理性，
而女人比男人感性，
如果这是真的，
为何我们角色对调了呢？
如果男人必须是理性的，
那我就是不幸的那个，
我是进入了感性那群，
所以才会有那么多无谓的妄想？
真的搞不清楚自己，
更别说去寻找自己的爱。
Good weather,
new week new begin,
sleep tight,
din't dream you,
din't miss you very,
so the sleep is very well..
But when i'm open my eye,
there already told me that just a lie..
After i'm opened my eye from sleep,
an unknown feeling step into my mind,
i'm can't explain that feeling,
just like you opened your eye,
and in the same time so do i opened my one..
Funny horh,
maybe i'm get paranoia jor..
"Meet you is my fate,"
"be you friend is my choice,"
"but fall on you beyond my control.."
Read this last night,
felt fate still joking with me..
Really think to stop writing,
keep writing just will continue to hurt you,
if i'm really love you should stop hurting you,
do you feel that i'm should stop too?
Male are rationality than female,
female are emotion than male,
if there is real,
did we exchange our character?
If male must be the group of rationality,
then i'm should is the unlucky one,
because i'm join wrong to emotion one,
that the reason i'm think so much like paranoia?
How to find my love,
if i'm don't even know what i'm need..

Morning 10:04,
Page 66,
by Yht..

Holiday..

Came home too late, can't wake up today.. Sigh, i'm really hate alone when holiday.. Tomorrow is holiday again, i'm will gonna feel mad again.. Sigh, why hah.. Tried to replace you with another girl, but tapi actually it's hurting people too..

Sigh, what i'm trying to do, really is an asshole lai geh.. I'm wan't to change my life, how~? I'm feel very lost, there macam no way out gam.. 

Arh, upset sei le upset sei le, who can pei me king gai >< I'm just need someone to chit chat only, why tak de people like to talk with me... Sigh, no one date, no one like, now even talking pun no one will... Fool...

疯狂.. Crazy..

妳不会相信我在哪，
我自己也很惊讶，
为了喘口气而驾车上云顶，
嗯～
感觉很轻松。
You will not gonna believe where i am,
I'm also feel shock,
i'm really drive to Genting Highland just for fresh air.. 
Erm.. 
Feel relax..

很久都没那么放松。
其实不应该想妳，
但是却莫名想起妳。
嗨～
妳过得好吗？
我很抱歉写了一些不好的，
毁掉妳的假日与好心情。
It's long time din't feel so free.. 
I'm should not miss you right now,
but i'm did~
sigh,
how do you do?
I'm sorry wrote so much bad thing,
to spoil your holiday and your mood..

感觉放松与自由，
在星巴克喝着可可咖啡，
准备着归途，
嗯，
晚安和祝好梦。
对不起我正在想妳 =')
Relax and freedom,
drinking cocoa cappucino at starbuck,
ready to home..
Erm,
good nited and sweet dream..
Sorry i'm miss you right now.. =')

I'm edit it and i'm home with safety, sigh.. This is a good relax time but too less time to stay there, maybe will going alone next time.. To free my high pressure, beside that, i'm hope to find the new way to put it down too, so far i'm still failed..

Midnight 03:29, (edited Midnight 05:59)
Page 65,
by Yht..

Fresh air..

The stone stuck inside my heart it's become extreme heavy.. I'm need some fresh air.. Later will drive to Genting, hope there will find my new way.. 

Actually if i'm she dak put down your care, i can be happy, just because i'm can't she dak your care.. You can did it, don't read my blog anymore.. When started, i'm will blame you, i'm will said you're liar, i'm will  blame you said you care but now you din't.. I'm will let my self hate you, and then i'm will potong all our contact, until you can't find me..

All of this i'm planned, just i'm really tak she dak let it go, what if future you unhappy and no more sand bag.. If there someone must suffer, then you should go, fall on you is my personal hal, that is no wrong you gone, i'm will slowy accept the truth, and then will really put down.. If someone must suffer, please let me take it, because i'm push you on this bad, i'm the one must handle it..

If you has made your decision, i'm will know.. And i'm hope this is a Good Bye from your best friend ever.. Your future will happinese because your general will take care of you.. Good Bye my friend.. =') You must do it, you know it..

the Change..

I'm know, no matter how much i'm miss you just is another diaturb to you.. I'm felt very lost between let go or continue wait like a fool.. 

What diffence of care as a friend and care as a lover? What you did is care as a friend but for me is care as difference feel.. Sigh, i'm need to relax really, i'm feel very down and can't take up my energy to complete my job..

I'm idiot betul, i'm already know you're very serious on the relationship right now, why i'm wan't keep kacau you.. People will lost because they can't made the decision.. Three month, i'm still can't made any decision on this trouble.. Please someone help me make a decision..

I'm felt very sanfu, no only me, even you also did, right? Sigh, sorry to appear on your life, i'm should not meet you.. Wrong time, wrong fate, wrong feel..

很痛苦.. Very suffer..

嗨，
我真的快疯掉了，
就是一直放不下才这样，
我真的真的很辛苦，
我很想很想妳。
强逼自己爱上其他人，
强逼自己忘记妳，
强逼自己憎恨妳，
所作所为，
都只会导致自己，
对妳越来越着迷下去，
我甚至有点恨自己，
妳不可能会喜欢我，
可是我就是放不下，
以为早点睡，
不去想就会没事，
却睡下醒下，
妳一直断断续续的出现在梦里。
我不敢再告诉别人，
自己对妳的思念了，
因为只会导致自己很辛苦，
我好想哭出来，
却明白一种道理，
哭对于成年人来说，
是一种很愚蠢的行为，
没有人会同情与可怜我的眼泪。
今年是我过得非常辛苦的新年，
我不知道怎样才能忘记，
如果可以选择，
我宁愿选择不去告诉妳，
我情愿妳从不懂我爱上妳。
Sigh,
i'm really gonna crazy,
cause until now just because i'm can't put down,
i'm really really feel very very suffer,
i'm really really miss you very very much..
Forced self fall on other,
Forced self forget you,
summore forced self to hate you,
but all of this,
just only cause me fall more deep on you,
i'm hate my self,
knew you will never fall to me,
but i'm can't just let go it,
though go to bed early,
that can't let self stop miss you,
but keep sleep while and wake while,
just because keep dream you inside my mind..
Dare not to let people know anymore,
about the feel i'm fall on you,
did that just will let self feel more pain,
i'm really hope can be fine after cry,
but i'm understand that,
crying for a mature,
is an action very foolish,
no one will sympathy or pity of my tears..
This CNY will be my very suffer year,
i'm don't know what to do only can forgot,
if there could be choose,
i'm wish to choose never tell you my feel,
i'm hope never let you know i'm fall on you..

Sigh.. I'm know you read this, will never feel better than me, but i'm hope you just treat this as a joke, i'm feel very suffer to write out, if i'm don't i will really crazy, i'm can't choose msg you to write this just because will made you feel more suffer.. Please forgive all my childish action, i'm really feel sam tong to cause we become like this.. My friend said that why you still took me as friend, there because we have the 10years friendship, it's can't said throw it then can done it, if i'm really wan't forgot you i'm really need to stop my blog, start don't care you until you stop care me.. I'm feel suffer to made this decision, how will you think if you was me?

I'm dream again,
I'm lost again,
I'm miss you again..
Dumb2, remember the " noh 55!w w! "?
And this picture..

Sigh, this picture..

Midnight 04:17,
Page 64,
by Yht..